THIS ARTICLE BE FILLED WITH SPOILERS, YO.
Seriously, at least every other sentence of this article will contain spoilers. If you haven’t read the books and you want to be surprised by the shitstorm that will be Season 2 of HBO’s newest classic, please stop reading now.
I’m telling you. Stop now.
Seriously, you guys.
Ok, so maybe you read Clash of Kings, maybe you didn’t. I will say that it is by far my favorite book in the Song of Ice and Fire series (so far). So much cool s--t goes down in the 969 pages of the book that it is going to make for one epic TV show. Quite frankly, I can’t wait. To display this I’m going to take some time today to list off the moments of book two that I hope beyond hope make it into the second season of my current favorite show, returning to TV on April 1st.
6. General Tyrion Badassery
Like many, Tyrion Lanister is my favorite part of these stories. Brought to life by the amazing Peter Dinklage, Tyrion can be both menacing while at the same time sympathetic. Luckily A Clash of Kings is Tyrion’s time to shine. As you know, Joffrey is a pretty s----y king, but the many who would be his hand; his grandfather, Tywin Lannister, is busy trying to win a war against the rebellions against his house. So what does he do? He instructs Tyrion to watch over the boy king in his stead.
Tyrion is the Hand to the king.
This guy basically rules the Kingdom. It’s awesome.
Not only is it great to see Tyrion in a respectable position, but he’s damned good at it too. He is making bargains and setting up marriages. He’s doing everything he can to not only ensure his nephew keeps his crown (and his head) but he is doing his best for the kingdom. Plus he gets to constantly outsmart his bitch of a sister, Cersei.
If you liked Peter Dinklage’s character in season one, you are going to LOVE him in season two.
5. The Ghost of Harrenhal
So Arya is going to get the s--t end of the stick for a while. She watches some people die, she gets captured by Lannisters (although they don’t know she’s Arya Stark), she watches some people get tortured. It’s a pretty bum wrap.
Things, however, turn slightly less dismal, as she finds herself in her new home, Harrenhal. Basically, Harrenhal is a big-ass castle that everyone thinks is haunted because for the most part any Lord who has tried to live there has died some horrific death. Lannisters have taken up camp there in their war efforts, and through a series of unfortunate events Arya winds up there as well as a serving girl.
Then things start getting cool.
Basically, Arya, after watching her father die, being kidnapped by Lannisters and in general having a bad time, has made up a “prayer” to say before bed each night. It’s a list of names consisting of every person she wants to kill. Then, after striking a deal with one Jaqen H’ghar (cool guy, you’ll like him), She starts picking people off that list. After the first death, she starts referring to herself as the Ghost of Harrenhal and quite frankly it’s fantastic.
Some people got on her naughty list. They’re dead now.
Her relationship with Jaqen is also a major turning point for her character, and these events help set her path and define her for the next few books. It should make for excellent television watching her go from helpless little girl to hit-list killer.
4. Jon Snow Goes Past the Wall
To be honest, Jon Snow is probably my least favorite character. And, now that I think about it, his story in A Clash of Kings is probably the most boring part. But it needs to be mentioned because it is all set up for some amazing stuff in books three and four.
We get some more insight on how the Wildlings go about their lives (they’re just people who don’t like to be ruled by a king, it’s really no big deal, you guys.) We get some more teasers about the Others. We get more Jon/Samwell bromance. We get to see more of the Old Bear being badass.
As much as I like him, I like his crow (not pictured) better.
It’ll probably be the most boring part of the show. But pay attention to all that happens, out there beyond the wall, and when you find yourself drowsing off from boredom remember: “build up”.
3. Renly gets F----d Up
Renly, Robert Baratheon’s youngest brother, is preparing an army to overthrow Joffrey and claim the throne for himself. Renly’s older brother Stannis doesn’t like this because technically it should be Stannis taking the seat, since he is the oldest blood relation (let’s not forget Joffrey is a gross incest baby).
The only problem is that Renly is more charming and more favored, so he obtains a large following much faster than Stannis. Stannis is pretty peeved about the whole thing.
Then Renly mysteriously dies by having a shadow stab him through the throat.
“… Well s--t.”
I just can’t wait to watch it unfold. This, outside of the dragons, is the first real jump into the “Fantasy” genre that the books are filed under. The shadow-murder is the first slap in the face of “oh right, there’s magic up in here”. After this it’s all giants and wargs and ladies giving birth to shadows. If HBO does half of this stuff right it will be amazing.
2. Yeah, Yeah, There Are Dragons
I like dragons as much as you do. Daenerys’ story gets pretty interesting towards the end of this book, but honestly the dragons don’t do much. They aren’t big enough to actually murder anything. They barely know how to fly or spit fire properly. They’re more like Yorkshire Terriers. Cute and fun to watch, but not very intimidating.
Yes, yes, you’re very scary. Now go lie down.
Nevertheless, they cannot be ignored. The amount of screentime given to the dragons (hopefully a ton) will be the precedent of how much HBO is willing to delve into the fantasy genre that these books evolve into. Quite frankly I hope they go all out.
1. Blackwater Bay and the Wildfire
So you’ve read this much, thus I assume you have no ill will towards spoilers of any kind. Or you’ve read the books and know what I’m going to talk about already. If neither of these are true, let it be known that I’m basically going to be discussing the climax of the season after this paragraph. And, while it’s not quite Ned’s head getting chopped off, s--t goes down.
This event is going to make for possibly of the most epic battle in the history of fantasy television. I pray they have the budget to give this fight the scale it deserves. We’re talking about an entire ocean on fire. We’re talking about dozens of ships blowing the f--k up. We’re talking about hundreds of warriors gutting and maiming and murdering each other.
Green fire raining down from the sky. Hell on earth. I can’t wait.
Hopefully it’ll look something like this.
Tyrion is at his most amazing. Several of his plans come to a head and he essentially saves King’s Landing from the attack of Stannis Baratheon. Oh, and Tyrion also gets his face chopped off. It is that one turning point that will set the course for Tyrion in the next few books and I cannot wait to see how it plays out.
So those are the moments I cannot wait for. That isn’t to say there isn’t plenty of other interesting things that occur. You’re just going to have to sit down and watch on April 1st as the story unfold in front of you. Or better yet, go read the books!
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