October 29, 2014. Nick walks alone through the streets of Charleston, South Carolina.
Nick: *Sigh* Another Wednesday passes without Real Heroes #4 being released. I wonder if it will ever—MOTHER OF PEARL!!
Adventures in Poor Taste Editor/Site Manager Patrick Ross crashes through a nearby Walmart in a 1986 DeLorean.
Nick: Holy crap! Patrick is that you?!
Patrick: Ouch… yeah, it’s me.
Nick: That’s a 1986 DeLorean! You were time traveling just now, weren’t you?! That’s why you just completely ran through the front doors of that Walmart!
Patrick: Well, not really. I was tweeting something about how much I hate fondue when that Walmart came out of nowhere and slammed into me.
Patrick: But I did travel back in time a couple weeks ago, so I’m glad I almost ran into you. Next month will bring with it a strange and somewhat exciting event.
Nick: Marvel puts out an issue of Avengers that J.R. and I will actually enjoy?
Nick: Sam becomes the youngest person to simultaneously have a best-selling comic book and be wanted by the F.B.I.?
Patrick: Not yet.
Nick: David and Russ finally see a doctor about their persistent, simultaneous, and possibly related difficulties urinating?
Patrick: Not exactly… or ever if I were a betting man. No, the big announcement actually is that Real Heroes #4 comes out next week!
Nick: Oh, well that’s pretty cool. I was starting to wonder if we’d ever see another issue of that series again. Is it worth the wait?
Patrick: Geez dude, I just told you the freaking future. If you’re going to ask me about specifics, at least say the tagline correctly.
Real Heroes #4 (Image Comics)
“Is it Good?”
Patrick: Thank you. And to answer your question, I’m really not sure. I don’t want to spoil it, but the whole thing is kind of one big information dump.
Nick: You mean there’s not any action at all?
Patrick: Oh, there’s definitely still some action. That’s what Bryan Hitch does best (besides missing deadlines). In fact, there’s a massive double page spread at the beginning that will make you curse reading the issue digitally. He also draws some cool natural disaster type stuff, but other than that, it’s mostly just a long explanation of the series’ main plot twist.
Nick: Is that cool, at least?
Patrick: Kind of. Hitch may have tipped his hand a bit too much in the earlier issues about who was behind the situation the Olympians found themselves in. But that being said, it definitely helps to further distance itself from just being a beautifully drawn derivative of Galaxy Quest.
Nick: What about the characters and how they evolve?
Patrick: Once again, Hitch stumbles a bit, this time with the pacing. The Fauxlympians’ personalities and group dynamics feel like they’re changing a bit too quickly, but the evolution we see in them is done with careful and deliberate connections to what happened before. Nothing feels like it comes out of nowhere–
Nick: –like a 1986 DeLorean crashing through a Walmart?
Patrick: Exactly. It’s not perfect, but it’s not bad at all. If anything, Hitch proves that he’s at the very least a competent writer, while also showing more than enough skill to indicate that he’ll continue to get better. Add that to his amazing pencils, and you’ve got yourself one heck of a talented person giving us the weakest issue in what’s still a very good series.
Nick: Any hints about how good the next one will be?
Patrick: Well, it seems that the info dump is over and we’ll be treated to an incredible, action packed final issue. Oh, and the teaser says that it will come out ‘NEXT MONTH’!
Nick and Patrick both laugh
Patrick: Alright bud, I gotta get moving. I only get to use this thing for a few more hours, and you know I gots to get some Crystal Pepsi inside me!
Nick: Ummmm… don’t you think there’s at least a billion other better uses for a time machine?
Patrick: You’re right! I’m totally going to go record some old episodes of Captain Planet, too. See you later!
Patrick peels out of the Walmart Parking lot, running over Nick’s foot before disappearing in a flash of light and fire.
Nick: YOU STUPID SON OF A—
To Be Continued (probably sometime in 2015).
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