Welcome back to the rambling rants of a ding dong! Tonight will be the go home episode of Dynamite for their first PPV of 2020, Revolution. This feels like the first real PPV since All Elite Wrestling really got started, now having fleshed out and developed enough history for a PPV to be a desirable thing as opposed to a novel thing that we are gonna buy just to support them. This time around I’m curious, and hope that this show exceeds my expectations, which are decent but still relatively low.
Dynamite starts this week with the Dapper Yapper explaining that the first match of the night will be the Iron Man match between Pac and Kenny Omega, and buckle up, because this sh*t is gonna be ridiculous! Hot damn, Kenny walking out with his tag belt on looks f*cking awesome and I want that dude to be the champ. Omega is flanked by the Bucks rather than Hangman and JR finds that to be as disturbing as I do. Well, all three commentators put over how weird that is, so whatever. The match starts with a clock and pinfall counter on the bottom left of the screen and this looks legit and awesome. Pac f*cking rules. I saw a pic of him and Finn Balor on IG this past weekend and I can’t even make my brain imagine Pac as Neville anymore.
So the match starts out slow and the two of them chop the sh*t out of each other a bit, but more importantly I just noticed that both Bucks are still ringside. Like, they didn’t just walk him to the ring and then go, they are there like they are his managers or something. They have a match against Kenny for the title he was wearing on the way to the ring. I know they are the Elite and they are all EVPs, but WTF dudes? So far it’s a pretty stiff but standard match. This trio of matches is by no means Kenny’s best sh*t, but I think the point of them has been to get Pac over and it has worked, to that point the crowd starts chanting “YOU’RE A BASTARD” after he just straight up kicks Kenny in the back of the head.
12 minutes in and there hasn’t been a fall or submission and these dudes are gassed but fired up! After a serious back and forth, Kenny hit a Tiger Driver ’98 for a 2 count! Kenny hit a V Trigger and then tried to set up a One-Winged Angel on the top rope and Pac countered with a powerbomb. Pac goes outside the ring and grabs a chair from under the ring and slams Kenny in the temple, knocking him out, tossing him back in the ring, then hitting him again with a chair in the ring, taking I believe the first DQ in AEW history, just to hit his super flippy 540 thing for a pin on Kenny.
Tony Schiavone just speculated on commentary that this whole scenario is in the Bucks’ favor as it will soften Kenny up ahead of his tag title defense against THEM on Saturday. Maybe they are selling the camaraderie of the Elite a little too much and they might split up over this tag title thing. The match keeps going in PIP mode and even in small picture it looks horrendous how hard Pac is hitting Kenny. As I wrote that, Pac, from the edge of the ring apron, suplexed into a Michinoku Driver onto the outside of the ring. I can’t explain it, but I’ve never seen anything like that and TNT proceeds to bleep the crowd chanting “HOLY SH*T.” I didn’t even notice some spot where the doctor came to check on Kenny, and somehow the ref was taken out, now Kenny is on a table, Pac is on the top turnbuckle and hits a moonsault onto Kenny through the table. There is no ref, both guys are dead and there are only six minutes left in the match.
Excalibur just called out how that was the first DQ in AEW history. Kind of a sh*tty use of that in my opinion. Just as Kenny is about to get counted out, Matt Jackson rolls him back in the ring and there in lies my issue: they just DQed Pac but the ref’s discretion doesn’t mind that outside interference. Kenny just hit two V Triggers in a row and Pac has to be concussed but he still kicks out. Every single move Kenny tries, Pac has a counter for. He seems like he has actually been studying Omega in anticipation of this rubber match.
Two minutes to go and Pac locks in the Brutalizer, stretching Kenny for 30 seconds, Kenny getting a rope break, and then Pac just lays it in for the final 50 seconds, ending with Kenny lasting till the end, fading to black at the clock hits 0. Pac gets pissed that he didn’t win the match and knocks out the ref. Justin Roberts announces that “This match will continue under sudden death rules; start the match!” Ref Aubrey hits the ring and we are back in business. Barely any time passes before Kenny tosses Pac up for the One-Winged Angel and that’s that. Kenny looks like holy hell but the Bucks prop him up and cheer him on out of the ring. Pic-in-pic shows Kenny walk off up the ramp and as Pac leaves he’s met at the top of the ramp by Ski-a-vone. Tony starts out kinda f*cking heeling on Pac who I expect to rip his arms off and f*ck him up. Oh f*ck, out walks Orange Cassidy to confront Pac. F*ck off. I don’t want this. Cassidy takes off his glasses to a huge pop and then Pac just shoot punches him in the face and kicks him and then walks off. I hated that very much.
The best part of this six-man tag match is that I get to hear the Inner Circle theme song! Sammy, Santana and Ortiz will face the Jurassic Express. I am torn on Marko Stunt. Oh, I just noticed that Taz is on commentary apparently for this one. This match gets right off to a crazy start and they are are just hitting crazy tandem tag spots right away. Marko Stunt starts out as the punching bag for the bulk of the match. I find it unsettling to watch Marko get beat up because his physical size is so much like a child that it look like a kid is getting beat up. Such an absurd amount of athleticism happens in this match that Santana and Ortiz are the odd guys out as far as standing moonsaults go. The match ends with Sammy getting ready to hit Jungle Boy with the sock full of baseballs or whatever and he got distracted by Darby Allin who appeared out of nowhere. That was fine. Sammy losing was fine.
Besties with OC come out and Cassidy is selling his punch from Pac pretty heavily (for him). Butcher, Blade and Bunny come out to no reaction yet I like them a lot. I like the theme song too. The sh*t starts off with much fury from Blade, who knocks Chuckie T off the apron and then Butcher gets in and levels Trent and BBB have the upper hand right away. I think it’s just an aesthetic thing about these guys but also the Butcher looks like he would be a heel wrestler from the 1960s. I feel like I just heard someone in the crowd yell “BORING. THIS IS BORING”. It is just a matter of time before trolls will start sh*tting on sh*t, or at least that AEW will get called out on its bullsh*t. The good will is waning.
As this match wears on, I inevitably tune out during the entire time that Chuck Taylor (“Chuck Taylor All Stars,” as f*cking Jim Ross says every f*cking week) is in the ring. Bunny and Orange Cassidy have a funny moment in the ring where she takes his shades and he puts on her bunny ears. Cassidy ends up hitting a Tope Suicida on Butcher and BFs hit their combo move on Blade for the pin. Post match interview reveals the Pac vs. OC at Revolution. Good god. That’s gonna be his first match?? This is either gonna make him or it will completely destroy his existence int AEW. I have to have faith but good god thats a brutal first opponent. Oh, because they didn’t get to do the hug spot with the camera zoom during the match they hit that with Tony during pic-in-pic who also cosplays as Orange Cassidy and I am cringing a lot by myself on a couch full of empty snacks.
Four way women’s match up next and out first is “The Magical Girl” Yuka Sakazaki. Jim Ross asks for an explainer and Excalibur ribs him and asks if he really wants to hear it this time and JR asks for the Reader’s Digest Version…Big Swoles music rules and I think she pretty much rules. Shanna comes out next, and OK, that’s fine. Hikaru Shida comes out last and for whatever reason she is my pick of the women division, although I like Big Swole the more I get to see her.
Well, this match has got going to a nice pace and I must admit, I like this a lot. This is largely just a regular wrestling match as opposed to an “AEW Women’s Match”, which have historically been pretty sh*tty. I’m glad to not see Emi Sakura or Riho but rather I am enjoying the mixing pot of who is in the ring, blending four distinct styles of wrestling into one generally coherent and entertaining match. Shanna has a real “WWE women” style, Shida has a Japanese strong style, Swole is a bruiser and Yuka is a cartoon character in 3D. If THIS is where AEW’s women’s division had started, it would be phenomenal right now, but I’m glad to see that they are finally making some strides. Had you told me that six months into Dynamite I would hate their women’s division yet LOVE Hangman Adam Page, I would think you were tripping balls. Shida ends up hitting a running knee on Swole for the victory and I’m very pleased with that result. I’d like to see Shida take the title off Nyla after Nyla dismantles Kris Statlander on Saturday at Revolution.
Dark Order does a quick promo setting up their match with SCU at the PPV but at the very end Evil Uno uses the word “Obsolete”, that being an indirect reference to Broken Matt Hardy. Goddamnit, I just need to start preparing myself for Matt Hardy top take that job at NXT at the Performance Center rather than these pipe dreams that he would go and revolutionize the business.
JR backstage interview with the Elite/Hangman, who looks completely miffed. The whole angle is annoying to me. They ham it up a lot about how they all love and respect each other. After a few moments JR calls out Page for being uncomfortable. Page gets heated with Matt Jackson who sounds like a f*cking heel when he says “we made you a star on Being The Elite! Before us you were just a jobber in Ring of Honor. We brought you into Bullet Club!” Good grief. Page ends up chugging his drink and then using his empty glass as an excuse to peace out and the interview is over. That seemed pretty legitimate even though it’s pro wrestling so it’s obviously not. Good job. I wanna see that match very much.
OK, so the main event is going to be a weigh in for the title match at Revolution, which makes this more sports like? Well, they have a scale and two hot chicks in the ring so I guess this is happening. Gary Michael Cappetta is announced and he comes to the ring to host the weigh in. Mox comes through the crowd to the ring first and he is in cut off sweats which seems pretty on brand. Man, the way in which the crowd sings Judas to Chris Jericho is impressive each and every single week. Sammy, Big Hurt and PnP follow Jericho to the ring, all in matching track suits. Moxley gets weighed in first, coming in at 234 lbs. The Inner Circle’s matching track suits say “Painmaker Posse” on the back. Jericho drags out the process of stepping on the scale, at on point telling the crowd to “SHUT YOUR ASS.” Jericho just made some sort of Kansas City sports reference that I didn’t understand but he called some guy a piece of sh*t and half the crowd popped and the other half boo’d. Jericho gets in Moxley’s face and Mox responds with a NASTY f*cking headbutt and I think he legitimately busted Jericho open — either that or Jericho did a sh*tty job blading! Dustin comes down to help out kinda and mostly get into it with Big Hurt, but they spend too much time showing those two idiots fighting near the Dipping Dots. Darby comes to the ring only to get his own skateboard broken in half on his own face. Jericho rends up hitting Mox with a Judas Effect and then a Paradigm Shift on the very scale they were weighing in on. Wow, that was one hell of a go-home.
Well, wrestling rules. This whole episode was fun and went by quickly. Wow, no Cody at all either. This is the kind of wrestling that I enjoy watching, it turns out. OK, well, I’m totally f*cking pumped to watch Revolution with my boy-ohs this weekend and no matter any of the results I know we will be entertained and feel justified paying actual money for a PPV event.
F*ck THE WORLD.
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