East of West #15
Written Jonathan Hickman | Art by Nick Dragotta
Dave: This is how they should award handicaps in professional golf.
John: He might be a little dick, but he has a ball of steel!
Sean: He no longer has a leg up.
Dog: Not even a yellow card on that play? Although I don’t know if he’d be able to take the free kick at this point.
Jordan: Hmm… that’s interesting. He has no bones in him.
Hex #2
Written Michael Alan Nelson | Art by Dan Mora
Dave: Is ‘mommy soup’ an undead term for female lubrication?
Sean: Those some tall-ass skeleton kids.
Dog: I’m skeptical that the banging together of naked phalanx bones can produce a traditional “clap” noise. I bet it would sound more like crushing a bag of Skittles.
Russ: Note to self: Stop dry-humping skeletons within earshot of Dog.
Jordan: Hey don’t bother them right now. They’re having a good time.
‘68: Homefront #1
Written Mark Kidwell | Art by Jay Fotos
Dave: Oh man that dude was gnarfed to death!
Sean:Pinky from Pinky and the Brain does hit on a lizard brain, feral level.
Dog: John Wayne Gacy with a sinus infection does Thundercats impressions? Limited premise; guess that’s why it’s just a mini-series.
Jordan: Now there’s an underreaction.
Dave: FACT: This is how tennis was invented.
John: How do you take your eggs? Fresh?
Dog: I’d make the obvious “This is your brain on drugs” joke, but I don’t want to reveal that I’m actually 90 years old.
Sean:Oh, she spangged the crap out of him.
Jordan: Only the most badass knows how to wield a frying pan.
Rot & Ruin #1
Written by Jonathan Maberry | Art by Tony Vargas
Dave: Oh man, dad is bleeding from the eyes again. Let’s just sit across from him and cry then act surprised when it gets worse. Not doing something is a choice!
Dog: Don’t you hate it when you remember something important JUST as you’re about to fall asleep?
Sean:He was brought back from death, only to feel the horrible warmth of freshly shat pants.
Jordan: What are you people doing?! Get that poor man to a hospital already!
Spread #3
Written by Justin Jordan | Art by Kyle Strahm
Dave: Boob punching bags are NOT recommended. Side effects include being torn into pieces by tentacle woman or autoerotic asphyxiation.
Dog: It’s like if Freud drew anime.
Jordan: Tentacle monsters will strike when you least expect it.
Imperial #2
Written by Steven T. Seagle | Art by Mark Dos Santos
Dave: Awkwaaaaaarrrdddddd.
Dog: “And in planting this pole, I claim this rectum for England!”
Sean: They’re gonna tell their kids this story when they get old enough to hear about their ball torture-based love.
Russ: I too have seen Black Sheep, Steven T. Seagle. For God’s Sakes, I’m trying!”
Inferno: Rings of Hell #2
Written by Mike Wolfer | Art by Fernando Argosino
Dave: Is that one of those Ghostbusters monsters from the final roof scene? Made of chocolate no doubt.
Dog: I thought she was manually lobotomizing Minotaur Worf.
Prophet Strikefile #1
Written and art by Brandon Graham
Dave: Ah yes, the origin of the “Yo momma is so fat” joke explained.
Dog: “Yo momma has so many breasts, she’s probably a broodmare for a plague of inhuman monsters.”
Russ: This might be the beer goggles talking, but those boobs sure look heavy… can I hold ‘em for ya?
Jordan: It’s hard to tell where this thing starts and where it ends.
The Superannuated Man #3
Written and Art by Ted McKeever
Dog: “Then why do they put the flavor crystal in the bottom? Huh???”
Dave: I understand the “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” but this makes no sense…unless of course they’re into golden showers.
Sean: Oh, you silly anthropomorphized piss guzzling doggie you.
Russ: Where was that dude when my toilet clogged last week on asparagus night, huh?
Jordan: I think I spot a grammar error!
Dave: David Lynch’s latest flick about childbirth. I think he’s topped Eraserhead!
Dog: Why am I imagining Bruce Willis’ voice coming out of those things?
Sean:”Now I know what a TV dinner sperm feels like.”
Jordan: Ever feel like you are at a loss for words at what you are seeing?
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