Zero #14
Written by Ales Kot | Art by Marek Oleksicki
Dave: What exactly is he pulling out of the back of his knee?
John: Obviously, it is a tentacle parasite.
Jordan: No guys, the guy is pulling the inking out of the character the artist worked so hard on.
Dog: “Fine, punch me in the balls, but quit flicking the lights on and off! You’re going to break the switch!”
Colder: The Bad Seed #4
Written by Paul Tobin | Art by Juan Ferreyra
Dave: This ruined my nap.
John: They are just trying to reproduce!
Jordan: To be fair, I think I might have said something a bit stronger than “Oh God” if my fingers were ripped off.
Dog: I guess avian facehuggers root for the Sabres.
Rasputin #4
Written by Alex Grecian | Art by Riley Rossmo
Dave: Remember kids, dodging bullets is only in the movies.
John: “Fear is the little death-death that brings total obliteration.” I think this guy took the Dune quote a little too literally.
Dog: Was it the fear that threw him off balance, or the .44 caliber while running on ice?
V-Wars #10
Written by Jonathan Maberry | Art by Ryan Brown
Dave: That’s got to be the worst finishing move saying ever.
Jordan: This is clearly Christian propaganda and brainwashing, sneaking in these “subtle” messages to trick people into reading Holy Scripture!
Dog: “Yeah I’ve read the Bible, and it seems to be pretty okay with slavery. Still wanna be a stickler?”
John: Where did the dude’s gun go?
Danger Club #6
Written by Landry Walker | Art by Eric Jones
Dave: It’s still animal abuse even if it has two heads and glowing eyes.
John: No one kills man’s best friend, or in this case, a god’s best friend. Best watch out for Hades.
Dog: I guess when Abin Sur’s ship crashed in the River Styx, Cerberus was the only one around to receive the ring.
Alex and Ada #12
Written and art by Jonathan Luna
Dave: Rule of thumb. If someone isn’t saying something, scream first, then if there is no reaction start smacking. Basic domestic abuse rule #48.
Jordan: THAT MONSTER!!! He knocked the jam right out of her!
John: Anyone got some peanut butter and sliced bread?
Harley Quinn #14
Written by Jimmy Palmotti & Amanda Conner | Art by Chad Hardin
Jordan: Also bondage and rope. Lots of rope and bondage will help him!
John: Don’t forget the blindfold and gag!
Dave: South Park’s Mr. Slave fan fiction done right!
Dog: It’s sad to see what can happen to pop music stars in their old age. I hear the cop does strip shows at the rest home and the Indian is a greeter at Foxwoods.
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