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#AlternativeFacts: Marvel's 'Illuminati' Named 2016's Best-Selling Series

Comic Books

#AlternativeFacts: Marvel’s ‘Illuminati’ Named 2016’s Best-Selling Series

“It might be the best-selling comic of all time,” said newly appointed head of Diamond Comics Distributors, Josh Grimby, of the seven-issue Marvel Comics series, Illuminati, which came to an abrupt end. “You can’t prove that it isn’t.”

The claim by Grimby, who once donated $5 million to Marvel CEO Ike Perlmutter’s “Villains Just Need Hugs” program, was met with skepticism by many, but so far Grimby has stood his ground. Grimby also claimed that illegal Batman downloads prevented the margin from being even higher.

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Batman is out of touch with the average person,” Grimby told AiPT! while sipping Dom Perignon from a jewel-encrusted, gilded goblet. “And don’t get me started on the Avengers! Folks! Come on, folks.”

The mention of “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” launched Grimby into a full-blown tirade.

“Who do the Avengers have, Tony Stark?” Grimby asked no one in particular. “Is he alive? Is he dead? Who knows? Can’t trust that guy. And Captain America? Folks, Captain America has been a Washington establishment puppet for going on 80 years now. This is well known, ask anybody, and painting a beak on his face is not going to change anything.”illumimageConversely, Grimby had nothing but positive things to say about the motley criminal organization depicted in the truncated ongoing Illuminati series, led by continually failing would-be mafioso, The Hood.

“Now, there’s a guy who says what he means and knows how to get things done,” Grimby said. “The Hood is giving the Marvel Universe back to the people. Thunderball is gonna put its construction guys back to work, and Titania? Let’s just say no one has more respect for Titania than me.”

Grimby’s tone turned sour when AiPT! pointed out illegal downloads have no bearing on Diamond’s sales numbers, which are available to the public.

“I think it’s time we re-evaluated our relationship with the comic book press,” Grimby said. “It’s time for the media to keep its mouth shut and just listen for a change.”

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