Hello y’all. It’s been a very busy week for the other company and moreover for the famous wrestling city of Chicago, but I anticipate that there will still be some piss and vinegar left for The Elite tonight. I’m very excited for Jericho and whatever the hell his Thanksgiving Thank You Celebration will entail. There is a part of me that feel like it will just be b-rate version of the Festival of Friendship but I’m inclined to believe that he knows that THAT would come off as a retread and hopefully they avoid that.
I am also curious/don’t give a sh*t about The Bad Boy Joey Janela and his tweet situation and to see if he shows up tonight to f*ck with Shawn Spears or if he works the angle and doesn’t go on TV tonight. Also, hopefully MJF f*cking knocks the tobacco dust off of Marlboro Man Adam Page and collects that $30,000 ring? $45,000? I heard the amount and simultaneously didn’t care and was also fascinated to wonder who the f*ck would want to wear a ring as a trophy related to wrestling? It seems almost as choreographed that MJF will win it based on the idea of a ring that same way that the women title belt indicated to me that Riho was going over Nyla at All Out, but I digress. Any who, let’s crank up this sh*t and get going.
Well, we are off to a good start. The place looks packed and there is a marching band on the entrance ramp….what could this be? Take it away, Soul Train Jones! This is already more Festival of Friendship than I wanted but I’m on the hook. There is a huge present that a person could obviously be hiding in but let’s see. After a poorly read intro by Virgil, Jericho comes out to the marching band, greeted by a bunch of inflated clowns…very odd…The crowd immediately chants THANK YOU JERICHO and he responds “Hey Chicago, SHUT UP”. What an assh*le. Jericho is wearing a floral jacket that is just stunning. He is a top notch cock. Apparently Le Champion has become a vintner and now we have “A Little Bit of The BUBBLY” brand champagne. Chicago responds by chanting “BUBBLY, BUBBLY.” It is actually incredible how the crowd can’t help but love him even as he sh*ts on them.
The Inner Circle is announced as his “Best friends in the entire world”. PnP come to the ring with a f*cking gift basket. Jesus. Sammy Guevara gets a mic and gets booed for calling Jericho his father figure. Guevara presents Jericho with a life-size cutout of the two of them hugging. Phenomenal. The former LAX present Jericho with said gift basket and make a reference to putting Vicks VapoRub on your balls or ass and some folks seem to get it and the rest of us don’t. They do get a real life big pop from me, though, for “A Little Bit of the 40.” As Jericho calls for Jake Hager, Hager comes out, leash in hand, and introduces us to a real life goat who’s name is….wait for it…. “Chris Jeri-GOAT”. This sh*t is so stupid that it’s awesome. It’s stupid by AEW standards but is already on the level with some top sh*t in WWE.
They lift the big present and it’s Jericho’s shoot dad, Hall of Fame New York Ranger Ted Irvine. Ted says “It’s good to be in New York”. Everyone boos like crazy and it rules. Ted Irvine going heel on the Chicago Blackhawks is the best sports related trolling for a non sports guy like me. The way he is triggering boos is almost pavlovian. “RANGERS SUCK” chants drown out the sound of Ted presenting the Inner Circle with custom Rangers jerseys. Jericho is about to read a statement from the AEW brass, is told he “sucks,” yells that he doesn’t suck and then declares that he doesn’t want to read tonight and calls Justin Roberts in to read it to him. This whole thing is a total delight. First Jericho does the whole “What’s your name? Where are you from, kid?” to Justin f*cking Roberts, the guy who has announced and introduced every match Jericho has had in AEW and I’m dying laughing. Jericho has Roberts read it, doesn’t like his tone, asks him to read it again and then slaps the sh*t out of him. They definitely got a little rough with Roberts just as a few of the marching band members race down to break it up and lo and behold, it’s SCU. *wet fart sound* Meh. I didn’t like that end very much. This doesn’t make me more on the hook for the match tonight, even though I should have seen this coming.
Next up is Lucha Bros vs. Best Friends. The Best Friends come to the ring first but get bum-rushed by Lucha Bros. I don’t know how I feel about Orange Cassidy being dressed as a f*cking turkey, man. Well, I didn’t know until he pulls a top turnbuckle cross body onto the Luchas onto the floor. The wings on the suit made that look like he was lazily flying and he didn’t lose his shades, but also, WTF man. That dude is cooler than THIS. Outside of the opening, this match has been pretty standard. Luchas are in charge for the most part but inexplicably Chuck Taylor gets the upper hand on them both after Trent took a pretty good beating. Taylor looks like an out of shape APA Bradshaw cosplay guy tonight. There is some f*ckery with Orange Cassidy on the outside of the ring but next thing you know Trent gets a rollup pin and a win and it’s over. I really like the Luchas a lot, I love Orange Cassidy and I really like Trent a lot but Chuck Taylor does nothing for me except make me feel grateful his match is over.
Bea Priestly comes out for tag team action, this time partnering with Emi Sakura. “Freddy Mercury never looked so oriental…Asian…female” Nice one, JR. Hikaru Shida and Kris Statlander are the opponents. Before this match they run down the rankings for the women’s division and while it hasn’t been long enough for anyone to build stats that matter, it’s still cool to see. I like that sh*t. Anyways, this match goes on and it’s pretty good. Statlander is a bit of a beast and kicks Sakura’s ass around the ring before dominantly tagging in Shida. Unfortunately, some of the best spots in this match seem to be happening on a small screen during the commercial break, but just as I say that the commercial is over.
An aside, the microphone for the ring itself was mixed WAAAAAAAAY too high for the bulk of the night.
I do not understand how Emi Sakura was just able to use her Freddy Mercury mic stand to choke Priestly with…apparently neither do the fans, because they are chanting “REF YOU SUCK.” Haha. “The Galaxy’s Greatest Alien” Kris Statlander? No. JR needs to have his mic turned off during women’s matches. I don’t know if I’m supposed to take Sakura as a heel but after she cried her way through her PPV match with Riho because she was shoot proud of her as they were teacher and student blah blah blah, I just can’t see her that way. Sakura uses her mic stand to cheat out a win and I find myself not caring. Of all the things AEW is doing right, their women’s division is NOT one of them.
A Mox promo is next and it f*cking rules. He is looking for another sick f*ck to dance with. Just watch it. He absolutely “gets” wrestling. I love him. I’m glad he doesn’t work for the Evil Empire anymore and I definitely prefer him to either of his Shield brothers’ work currently, especially The Architect. This seems about as close to the real Jon Moxley as it gets.
Return from commercial and Cody comes out with yet ANOTHER masturbatory entrance. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much f*cking pyro for the Executive Vice President of the company, that’s for sure. JR just referred to it as the AWA rankings and catches himself. Cody is just medically cleared for this squash match against Matt Knicks, a super f*cking jobber. The scar on Cody’s forehead is f*cking GROSS. Cody beats on this kid for a second, takes off his own weight belt, tosses it into the crowd, applies the Figure Four leg lock and Knicks taps out. Cool win, boss.
Cody grabs a mic and calls out MJF to come out and fight now. Uhh, then a pair of weird dickheads pop out from a hole in the ring and smash Cody. Who the f*ck are the Butcher and the Blade? JR is as confused as me right now. Excalibur got the notes from the upper management but clearly Jim skipped that meeting. Allie looks to be both beautiful and sadistic so I look forward to seeing whatever this may be. One guy looks like he should be in the movie Blade as a vampire and the other guy looks like a steampunk wrestler, but not in a Becky Lynch sort of way. That was super weird and now Cody is broken again. They might be doing this sh*t too much now with everyone being pushed to the edge of injury every single week.
Oh f*ck it’s time for the Bastard Pac and Kenny Omega! This should be brutal. I am so glad that Pac is in AEW. As far as rankings go, Pac is the number one rated wrestler behind Jericho, which is cool. Man, I hope Jericho doesn’t put the title on Scorpio Sky tonight. Gee, it’s crazy that Kenny Omega is ranked fifth in AEW but, yeah, he has lost a lot of matches.
Well, this match starts out gangbusters right away and I find myself just glued to them both putting on a clinic. This is almost Osprey vs. Ricochet levels of athletic choreography. These guys are both incredible. Goddamn, nobody does a Snapdragon Suplex like Kenny Omega. It’s nuts how vicious Pac is yet how good at selling he is, too. The third ad for Jericho’s Bubbly shows up on the bottom of the screen and while it seems like a bit much, I must say I dig AEW capitalizing on easy and trendy merchandise as it presents itself. I also appreciate and generally understand the idea of ref’s discretion, but these jackasses really don’t enforce sh*t on this show. There is never any counting someone out of the ring and in no event has there been a disqualification.
Not sure if I missed something, but no Tony at all tonight. This two man booth is fine but I’d rather Ski-A-Vone over JR. Pac hits a Falcon Arrow from the top turnbuckle and HOLY F*CK that was brutal. They sneak in a few more moves and some pin attempts and counters but Kenny ends up pinning Pac with a weird rolling rollup and ends up getting a 4.5 count. It is starting to seem that booking matches is like writing SNL sketches…the premise is good but the finish is flat. Why the f*ck would Kenny get a 4.5 count on Pac if he just got a 2.75 count from him earlier? Pac has been heavily protected and Kenny has been heavily jobbed but this sh*t feels like they are approaching 50/50 booking and I’m simply noting that, not judging yet.
Here comes the self-proclaimed “Face of AEW,” Maxwell Jacob Friedman with his bodyguard, Wardlow. While coming to ring they play a quick video package of MJF declaring the ring to be valued at $45,000 and that it’s the most expensive ring in professional sports…mostly he calls Page a white trash hick from Virginia. I would just focus on the tobacco farm. Page’s inset promo while they walk to the ring makes me even more disgusted by him. Just as this match gets started they cut to a f*cking commercial. This is getting to be a little much now.
Back from commercial, Page whips the sh*t out of MJF for a while until MJF takes the ref’s attention and, you guessed it, Wardlow beats on Captain Skoal. It’s tough that they are booking this heel vs. heel match for the ring but either way a real sh*t heel will be wearing a $60,000 ring (the value seems to keep increasing). I do find myself starting to root for Page when I see him wrestle but he is just so unlikeable that I just don’t care. Wardlow punches Page while the ref is distracted and then MJF hits a lazy Cross Rhodes and then wins the match. Out comes another old sh*t-bum, DDP, to present the Diamond Dozen Ring or whatever the f*ck its called. The guy does look phenomenal for sure but he sucked in the ’90s and he sucks now. Oh god, he has a mic. Yuck. The ring is obnoxious and gaudy, just like the two men in the ring right now. Cool. DDP puts MJF over with a handshake but you can guess what happens next: MJF spits his gum into his hand and closes it for him, and Warldow gets in DDP’s face. I hate to say but I agree with DDP, Wardlow is gonna look like a dickhead when a 63 year old guy whips his ass all over Chicago. Man, what a day. This is one of the best ads for DDPY that I have seen yet. I might activate that free trial.
Dustin comes down to the ring and cuts a promo on Jake Hager for breaking his arm and threatens to come for his blood. PnP and Sammy come out to overwhelm Dustin only to be met with the Young Bucks — I feel like they’re setting up a match. Either way, the guys from the Inner Circle all receive Shattered Dreams and we are done.
Oh sh*t a new Dark Order package! This is AWESOME. I f*cking love this and I love them. It is a cult thing but just watch it. AEW is doing video packages very well.
AEW world title match is up and the first person announced in the match is Ref Aubrey for one of the biggest pops of the night. Jericho has been keeping his hair tight in a half pony tail/bun and a clean shaven face and he looks like a total assh*le. It’s excellent. JR just put over Ref Aubrey as being the greatest official in the company. She certainly is my favorite pantomime in pro wrestling.
Not only is Jericho suffering from caved-in chest, but he has quite a gut going on these days. That said, he moves around the ring like a younger man than he actually is. I hold him to the highest standard in professional wrestling which is why I can’t accept recycled sh*t from him or any lazy work, but damnit, he hasn’t really done that. This is turning out to be more of a match than I was expecting, as if it would be anything other than stellar. The crowd definitely keeps being bleeped out periodically. While physically Jericho looks every bit of 20 years older than Sky, in the ring they are peers. Jericho is another living testament to DDPY.
Jake Hager rushes to ringside as Scorpio has a pin combo on Jericho only to be met by Daniels and Kaz and beaten away. Scorpio hits his finisher on Jericho but Le Champion kicks out. The two of them trade near falls and Sky even counters the Judas Effect into a crucifix pin but next thing I know, Jericho gets a “Liontamer” on Sky and he has to tap out. I will politely correct Excalibur on that call, though — that was the Walls of Jericho. The Liontamer is a different move. As Jericho is continuing to torture Sky in the ring, Mox’s music hits and Mox descends from the crowd and stares down Le Champion. Cool. Mox rules and it makes sense that he would challenge next for the title at some point.
I gotta turn over to NXT and see what the hell is on there. Oh f*ck, Ciampa and Balor! man, I miss NXT so much but I must say, objectively, this looks smaller on USA than it did on the WWE Network. To make a Monday Night reference, though, this feels like Raw at the Manhattan Center vs. Nitro touring around the south. Well, this isn’t an NXT review anymore but there is a part of me that wishes it was. I know I’m depriving myself of WWE’s greatest product but I am so distracted by all the other parts of it and I can just turn my brain off and watch rasslin’ when AEW is on. On a competitive note, I hope AEW wins in the ratings again but I ultimately just want to watch and enjoy wrestling because it is supposed to serve as an escape from the world and be a soap opera; a testosterone-driven General Hospital. I want to watch my stories and not worry about the world outside of it and I got to do that for 2 hours, the night before Thanksgiving.
Okay, well, that’s it for me. Ive got a busy Turkey Day lined up and then work through the weekend so I’m gonna go get some rest.
Shout out to Papa Hook, the originator of the mantra we all live by at AIPT/PTW:
Wrestling Rules.
F*ck The World.
Party Hard.
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