Hello and welcome back to my little soap box hidden on the internet. As I’m getting my snacks and drinks ready for Dynamite, our PTW Slack chat is buzzing and JJ asks who is watching what tonight, bringing up that Charlotte will be on NXT tonight. I do find that to be more appealing than the idea of Cody receiving 10 lashes tonight. I’m almost more interested in what Mr. Moxley will be up to against Ortiz tonight as well as what may or may not happen with Dark Order. People have sh*t all over Dark Order but I’m still holding out hope. I watched BTE and saw the part where Christopher Daniels was discovered to have a creeper mask in his bag. I find the voiceover sh*t to be pretty funny and, again, I’m a mark for foul language so every time I hear Kenny drop an F-bomb it’s kinda like hearing a teacher swear. OK, well, I don’t have much for a preamble but I’m ready to see what TNT delivers tonight, especially up against NXT that is now sans Dusty Classic.
Mox is out first and he has the most legitimate looking eye patch yet for this match against Ortiz. I am actually impressed how well Mox manages his sh*t whilst wearing an eye patch and having no depth perception. After Ortiz and Santana come down to the ring, Jericho’s music hits and he comes out accompanied by Big Hurt and Sammy G. I kinda hate the they are stacking the odds against Mox so much because it almost seems unreal — I get that it’s wrestling, but sometimes it can feel like a bit much. Ortiz is such a huge character and I pop for basically everything that he does. The whole eye patch thing is actually a kind of interesting equalizer because, as badass as Ortiz is (especially with Santana), Moxley should eat him alive, so the fact that Moxley is actually wrestling at a disadvantage makes it more believable and it makes me actually root for him even though I’m already totally on board.
Jericho is a real delight on commentary. The match essentially lasts just long enough for Jericho to put Moxley over while also demeaning him. Moxley ends up defeating Ortiz with a pretty basic double arm DDT — the old Dirty Deeds as opposed to the proper high-angle Paradigm Shift. After the match, as Jericho sh*t talks, Santana jumps Moxley who promptly hits him with a DDT, pulls the keys to the Ford GT out of his pocket (he apparently wrestled the whole match with keys in his pocket), points at Jericho and yells “AN EYE FOR AN EYE” and f*cking JAMS Sanatana right win the eye! Jericho is trying to get each member of the Inner Circle to dismantle Mox before Revolution, but it appears that Moxley will pick them off one at a time, week by week.
Speaking of week by week, up next we have Best Friends with Orange Cassidy against SCU, and if it weren’t for OC, I’d change this sh*t and just start reviewing NXT till it’s over. I really don’t care about half of each of these tag teams to the point where it makes me dislike everyone by association. It’s not that I dislike Kaz or Chuckie T — I just don’t like them. Trent looks so good and he is more than a good hand in the ring. I appreciate the focus on tag team wrestling and I really enjoy when a good groove gets going but these teams both seem like they have one clear singles star in them and the other guy should just join the Dark Order. Chuck Taylor does a little flex pose mid-ring and Jim Ross actually gives him sh*t for not being a body builder, effectively calling out Taylor’s less than phenomenal physique. There is a guy in the front row with a t-shirt with Vince McMahon wearing a clown nose. The spot when Orange Cassidy lays down to take a quick nap amongst the human wreckage on the outside of the ring is pretty good. This match is fine but I really just find these both to be middling mid-card teams and this match just does nothing for me at all. I actually just saw something I’ve never seen in a match before: Chuck Taylor put his physical body across the corner of the turnbuckle as Trent got thrown into it as a manner of shock absorption.
Well, SCU ends up scooping up the win with Kaz getting the pin. As the match ends, the Dark Order comes to the ring and dismantles both teams. Evil Uno saunters down to the ring and after everyone clears out of the ring, Orange Cassidy climbs in the ring, does his hands in the pocket spot and gets f*cking beat down by the Dark Order. Cassidy is eventually saved by Christopher Daniels, who calls out the Dark Order to come for him, who retreat into the back.
Newly-minted heel Dr. Britt Baker, DMD comes to the ring for the debut match of a new Japanese wrestler named “The Magical Girl” Yuka Sakazaki. She is another waif of a woman, dwarfed by Britt Baker. This is already one of those matches where apparently Britt Baker is their Charlotte Flair or John Cena of the women’s division, which is being run into the f*cking ground by Kenny Omega who is trying to open the West’s eyes to Japanese women’s wrestling. I believe that there is an appeal to this and it could be done well but it hasn’t been. Well, Jesus f*cking Christ, I’m getting too old for this sh*t. Britt gets all bent out of shape for losing the match, grabs the ring bell, clocks Yuka in the back with it, then puts her mouth on the bottom rope and kicks Yuka in the back of the head. It didn’t seem like it was actually that bad till Yuka LEGITIMATELY pulled a bloody tooth out of her mouth that was leaking blood. Britt then puts on the Lock Jaw, acts kinda grossed out by the blood and then leans into it before letting go of Yuka, who grips her mouth like “what the f*ck?!” I don’t know how they could have worked that and it honestly made me feel nauseous. Good thing, if that was a mistake, that Britt can literally repair that woman tooth for her. But, f*ck that.
(Turns out, upon further evaluation, that this was very clearly gimmicked and I very clearly refused to see that in the moment.)
8 man tag match is up next — Lucha Bros. and Butcher/Blade/Bun come to the ring first. Music for The Elite hits and suddenly my new favorite wrestler Hangman Adam Page appears and starts racing down to the ring, ready to start f*cking sh*t up. Page seems annoyed to wait for The Elite to make their way to the ring and he actually starts the match against the Blade. Kenny seems to really lean into being Elite when he is around Page. The Bucks and Kenny do a sh*tload of fast and classic tag team wrestling, but just the three of them. Page looks so f*cking annoyed and as I’m a huge fan of his now I find I am annoyed at them, too. I mean, he isn’t an EVP. I can see how he feels left out or even just actually finds them to be obnoxious. I don’t think my feelings are the desired effect AEW is looking for on this one, but that’s how it’s happening. Lucha Bros. are almost the afterthought in this match, but right as I say that Rey Fenix just defied gravity and I can not believe that I just saw him move the way he did. I actually think that the Butcher and Blade are a pretty good tag team. Hot damn, Hangman gets the hot tag and the crowd loses their mind and start chanting “cowboy sh*t”!
There are a few moments where they all seem to be getting along but at one point Page tags himself in and tries to steal the win with a Buckshot on Butcher but he misses and after an indescribable clusterf*ck of spots, Page ends up refusing to tag either of the Bucks and he eats the Lucha Bros.’ combo finish for the big L. Page took the loss but it goes on all their records. When it switches to pic-in-pic, there is a lot of time spent on the Bucks being pissed at Page but not mad at Kenny. Hangman immediately bounces and starts crushing audience members’ $14 beers. The Bucks eventually leave the ring and only Kenny is left, joined by Tony Schiavone. Just as Kenny is about to talk to Tony, they are interrupted by Pac backstage, taking over an interview with Riho. Pac threatens to go after Riho if Ken doesn’t agree to the match, which he does, and then Nyla attacks Riho and challenges her for next week. OK, seems OK. At least it will be something.
I switched it over to NXT real quick and I do not recognize Tyler Breeze as he wrestles Jordan Devlan. Even the lame or whatever parts of AEW look totally f*cking maj compared to NXT, which is a top notch wrestling show.
Sh*t, I didn’t realize that this Kip Sabian match was against the Bad Boy, Joey Janela. I feel like this should happen at a PPV considering AEW is doing the kinda sh*t move of involving a real-life breakup in this storyline. Kip Sabian is fairly hunky for a little guy and I feel like he almost looks like the handsome younger bother of Chuck Taylor. These two have a pretty serious match going on immediately and at one point Kip kicks a seated Joey directly in the back who totally no sells it, then Janela swaps spots with Kip and kicks him in the f*cking back HARD, then Janela resumes the position, asking Kip to kick him again, who obviously puts Janela into a headlock, shaking his head.
Penelope Ford is pretty good at injecting herself into Kip’s matches. JR makes the observation that he just realized that Penelope has blue eyes and it seemed to blow Tony’s mind. Penelope gets on the ring apron and Joey accidentally knocks her off the apron, distracting him just enough for Kip to grab a handful of Joey’s tights for the ref to count 1-2-3. Kippers and Penelope scamper off to the back and AEW cuts to backstage where Jericho runs Alex Marvez off and takes the microphone. Jericho cuts a totally ironic promo on Moxley for stabbing Santana in the eye, who himself takes the microphone and finishes the promo, challenging Mox to a match next week, AN EYE FOR AN EYE.
Excellent quick backstage spot where an interviewer tries to ask Hangman “What happened out there?” as he is interrupted by the Bucks, asking the same thing, to which he is just a dismissive prick to them. Matt takes his beer from him, saying “I know whats wrong with you,” and as the Bucks walk off, Hangman takes a deep swig out of pitcher of beer and the crowd loses their mind!
So, it’s f*cking 9:43, I am caught up to real time and the next and final segment on this week’s dynamite will be Cody Rhodes receiving 10 lashes from MJF. This seems so weird and I don’t understand it nor do I endorse this but I’m in, if that makes any sense. “Wrestling has more than one….royal family” I never could quite tell, but thats what it says in the intro of Cody’s theme. I don’t like that. Seems desperate. Cody comes out in a suit but takes his jacket off and starts almost undressing as he enters the ring. MJF and Wardlow made their way to the ring first but most of this sh*t happened inside picture-in-picture.
By the time the commercial break is over, Cody finishes taking off his shirt and starts calling for his lashes, to which MJF demands Cody’s belt that he is currently wearing instead of his own. The crowd responds with an “assh*le” chant. I think Cody is f*cking stupid for this sh*t, but I am glued to it. The first swing is weak but I would be crying if I got hit with it. BBB, Sammy and some other heels come out to the top of the ramp to watch as Cody takes his medicine. MJF keeps trying to get Cody to touch him to disqualify him from the future match. After the third lash, Cody goes down to one knee and Arn comes hobbling down to the ring to offer Cody some moral support? Cody’s back is getting pretty f*cking red and I feel sick to my stomach for the second time tonight.
Dustin comes down (in street gear but with his half a face of makeup on) and asks to take the rest of the lashes but MJF tells him to hit the road. The Bucks come out next and I have had about as much as I can take of this. Cody’s back looks like sh*t and this is not what I like about wrestling. To be clear, I prefer my wrestling to be a work. This is brutal. Just as MJF is about to hit the last one, Warldow calls for the belt and basically cuts Cody in half with the belt with one swing. Cody can’t get up but at the very end, Brandi walks down to the ring and tells him to get his ass up and take one more. Her character makes no f*cking sense to me. I don’t hate it but I don’t love it. MJF delivers the last lash to Cody right across his chest. Cody gets his match but his back looks like actual hamburger. Then only part that really gets me is that I think some fan or something tried to f*ck with Wardlow and he knocked that person the f*ck out.
Quick switch to NXT in time to see Undisputed Era taking Tommaso Ciampa apart, then destroying Pete Dunne and Matt Riddle, and as the four members of UE hover in the ring over Ciampa lifeless body the lights cut, the tron shows “02-05-2020” and it turns out to be the return of Velveteen Dream who kicks the sh*t out of the entire Undisputed Era, with NXT going off the air with Dream on the turnbuckle with his music playing. That was very cool but I might have been away from NXT for too long at this point but I just don’t find myself drawn to it the way I used to be. I think there really is something lost now that it’s no longer only one hour long and exclusively on the network.
Good grief, I just found myself getting sucked into Miz and Mrs after NXT ended and now, ten minutes later, I’m back to this. So, in review, AEW is doing a good job of building stories and building anticipation for their next PPV, Revolution, on Leap Day 2020. There are just enough weeks left that we will see Jon Moxley get his ass kicked leading up to his match with Jericho, the Dark Order is building to something good (I hope), Hangman Page is a reluctant tag champ in the company that wants to build itself on tag wrestling and there is almost no reason to think that Nyla Rose won’t win the title next week.
It should be good. I’m tired. I’m probably gonna keep watching Miz and Mrs for a little longer then off to bed. I’m getting old.
Wrestling rules. F*ck the world. Party hard.
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