After a painful Raw last week, Jason and Jay are back with the hopes of finding some semblance of meaning in all the mediocrity.
- How will Billie rebound after the dissolution of the IIconics and being thrown to the wolves by her former best friend, Peyton?
- Will Keith Lee find the strength to be Limitless once again and reclaim his theme music?
- Will Drew McIntyre defy basic tenets of medicine and logic to make a miraculous recovery after a broken jaw within two weeks to cut a promo on Randy Orton?
- Will Demi from The Bachelor finally unveil her endgame and reveal herself as the leader of RETRIBUTION — or should we say, DEMTRIBUTION?
So many questions, so many hours of Raw, and so much likely disappointment. Sit back and commiserate with Jay and Jason!
Jay: This is it, Jason. It’s curtains for Raw after this rerun of Chicago PD is over. DEMTRIBUTION is going to take over Raw for all three hours.
Jason: No, sir. I believe we’ll start the evening spent watching non-employee contractors perform on a day of rest earned by labor unions with the Snakeman still trying to set up a rematch with Big Mac by…fighting Keith Lee again? At least he seems frustrated about the whole ordeal — and hey, they edited the punt to look like it almost connected!
Jay: Yeah they did, and OMG, sirens!! Is it Scott Steiner!?!?!?! Oh. It’s only D.Mac. Can we talk about Michael Cole’s adjectives tonight.? They’re on point. It’s only been 10 minutes and he’s busted out “resolute,” “vindictive,” and “disdain.” His thesaurus game is on point.
Jason: The Hurt Business’ tailor is also on point. It can’t be easy to find enough fabric to stretch over Bobby Lashley’s back. I like that the beating they put on the Son of Erick Rowan really seemed to take a toll on their cuffs and collars, though. That was like a solid minute of re-adjusting. Who do they think they are? The Rock? Backstage dad Adam Pearce seems to get by fine without having to constantly rearrange his wrists. It’s weird, then, that their in-ring gear is so lame. Wrestling in a T-Shirt? Is there a girl MVP likes in the crowd and his friends agreed to wear a T-shirt in solidarity?
Jay: Jason, they can’t do Cameo or Twitch anymore. They gotta get those residuals from T-shirt sales. And which part of the jaw do you think D.Mac fractured? AND OMG, IT’S HAPPENING JASON!
Jason: CED FINALLY DID IT! OH MY CHICKENS! Finally, some upward mobility for Cedric Alexander. I wouldn’t be mad if the Hurt Business becomes a Modern-day Evolution with Ced as the Randy Orton of the group. Obviously Bobby is the Triple H, MVP is the Flair…comparing Shelton to Batista may be a bit of a stretch, but still.
Jay: The chickens may have seen that coming, but no chickens could have been prepared for that. The humanity, Cedric, the humanity! Real talk, The Hurt Business has been great for all involved, but Evolution they are not… yet. But I do hope they become a bigger fixture on Raw.
Who do you think will win Street Profits vs. Garza and Andrade XXI?
Jason: I don’t think Andraza has won a single one of these matches. And that would seem to be it for Zelina’s home for handsome men. And what the hell was up with that count? Did the ref lose count at 1?
Well shoot, looks like it’s time to start building toward Brand Warfare at Survivor Series…I guess?
Jay: Nah it’s too early for that. They don’t want to build contenders for Clash of Champions or whatever. Oh no. Jason, they’re doing ANOTHER winner take all thing. UGHHHH. I’m so sick of double champions.
Jason: Oh dip, they’re doing Al “the Cy-cucks” Black versus KO in THE UNDERGROUND! Damn, I’m excited. Oh god, but what fresh hell is this music for Peyton Royce? Good god, why? Just give the CFO$ whatever they want, and get this Garage Band demo track off my girl, Peyton! I hope Billie got the theme song in the divorce.
Jay: Whoa, whoa, whoa Jason. You just completely glossed over the return of Little Jimmy, the next chapter in the never ending saga of R-Truth vs. The Tozawa Ninja Clan, R-Truth taking the battle within the confines of in-door dining, AND THE RETURN OF LITTLE JIMMY. I know you didn’t just do that Jason. Did you?
….and I refuse to acknowledge what is happening in the ring.
Jason: NOOOOOOOO!!!! Well, Billie’s song is better, but her ring gear is so much worse. And what the hell is Cole talking about “Thought there would be more emotion.” Like they didn’t end last week’s segment openly weeping in the ring. Then cut a wonderful shoot about their friendship backstage. The word “EMOTION” Is even in the title of the Youtube video of it!
Jay: I have no idea what you’re referencing Jason. The ring is completely empty right now.
Jason: OK, Joe admitting that he’s ruined many friendships by horribly betraying those close to him is fantastic character continuity. Them making Peyton a face after she threw Billie to the wolves (actually horses) last week is the epitome of WWE dumb booking.
Jay: Again, no idea what you’re referencing but whatever it is, it seems like a lot of wasted motion. If there is no heel turn, there’s no point to breaking them up. They can pursue singles careers while still a team ala the New Day, The Shield, etc.
Jason: How long do you think it took McIntyre to set up this whole ambulance stunt? Are we to believe that you get taken to the
hospital local medical facility by an ambulance when you’re injured, but then drive the same ambulance home afterward? Are all of these resilient babyfaces stealing these emergency vehicles?
Jay: No, that’s how hospitals work. You get discharged in ambulances and your insurance gets charged ~ $2,000 depending on where you live considering that’s how much many ambulance rides are reported to cost.
Dammit, Rey. When will you learn something always bad happens when you bring your family to work? Custody battles, terrible birthdays, Cain Velasquez, enucleations…just leave your family at home, Rey. Murphy is going to sing “Happy Birthday” to someone any second now.
Jason: Oof, the promos being cut in this feud are so awful. Murphy and Dominik should not be anywhere near an open mic. Murphy ain’t exactly the guy to carry a feud on the stick, but WOOF.
Jay: Maybe Murphy and Rollins are the only ones willing to work with Dominik. This is just never going to end at this rate.
You know what, Jason, I’m down for Asuka vs. Mickie. It’s a fresh match-up and I bet it will be pretty good.
Jason: Yeah man, that’s what we said in 2016 when they fought at TakeOver: Toronto.
Jay: Oh man, did I just embarrass myself again? I was a different man in 2016. I didn’t have $ for the WWE Network. But I stand by what I said, four years removed makes for a fresh match-up.
Jason: Yeah, it was a fun match. I know the ladies on the main roster tend to work safer than they do in NXT (since they perform so much more often), but it’s a perfectly fine babyface feud, and should be a fine title match from a division that seems hesitant to use younger stars. No shade to Mickie (or Asuka), but when are women like Bianca Belair, Ruby Riott or Liv Morgan going to get a chance to shine?
Jay: I agree. But then again, they need to fill the ranks of the tag division as well. They have a total of 11 women. They need four in a tag feud. One to be the Raw Women’s Champion. That’s about half their division accounted for. They need more people to sustain an undercard feud.
Are we going to talk about how Cedric changed his tights to match The Hurt Business colors?
Jason: Nah man, he’s just taking cues from the Gold Standard. Shelton’s definitely no stranger to a black and gold color scheme, so he’s probably got a guy.
Jay: Oh man you’re right. I forgot about 2009 Sisqo Shelton Benjamin.
Jason: You know I want to rag on it, but this Hurt Business/Ced’s Former Friends 8-man is actually pretty good. Sure, it feels a bit like a house show matchup on paper, but the boys are all making it work. Especially love the hot tag for Ricochet. Oh jeez, Ricochet nearly kills himself on that Michinoku Driver, and the Ref STILL f****s up the count? Is there a “drunk refs” storyline I haven’t been paying close enough attention to? I bet Spider drinks before he refs in the UNDERGROUND!
Speaking of which…I completely forgot about the dynamic between Shane and KO. I guess I blocked that 5-year feud out of my memory.
Speaking of things I try to put out of my memory, how is Keith Lee’s theme song still this bad?
Jay: The Shane-KO feud wasn’t bad. The ladder match at the end was pretty good. And I have no idea about Keith Lee’s theme. None. But I appreciate the Saiyan Armor entrance garb.
Jason: The pugnacious, irascible, effervescent, scintillating, highfalutin, cage-free, the Choice of a New Generation – Champion! Man, you weren’t kidding about Cole’s adjective addiction.
On an unrelated note, I was happy to see Al Black in there wrecking some schmo as a warmup for his spot with KO.
Jay: Yeah, and here comes KO! I miss old school KO. You know, the super vicious, super violent KO who was powerbombing people onto the apron and off the stage and stuff. Hell, I miss 2011 KO from ROH.
Jason: Well there’s your problem. You’re thinking of Kevin Steen. I think he and Generico got sent to a farm upstate where they can run all day with other ROH champions like Austin Starr and Tyler Black.
Jay: I still listen to Kevin Steen’s entrance music from that era. It’s so terrible. But there goes Orton holding his jaw. You don’t think there’s going to be a “last jaw standing” stipulation at Clash of Champions against D.Mac? Like, the only way to win is to shatter your opponent’s jaw and it would have to be confirmed via on-site CT scan.
Jason: Clearly it will be a Mandible on a Pole match. Oh god, Liv just got dumped right on her face.
Jay: Even better! They can hang the fixation hardware on the pole. Or, the only way to win is to fasten the fixation plate in place.
Jason: I sure am glad that RETRIBUTION got to try and get over and kept Nia strong in the process. It would sure be a shame to let two tag team title contenders win a handicap match against an individual member of the champion team. Also glad we finally have a manifesto for the group. They want to..uh…wreck the show? You don’t need to dress like the stage crew of a high school drama department and chainsaw the ropes to do that, guys. The writing crew has been killing this show for years and they have a business casual dress code.
Jay: Demi is very smart. She kept them away from Nia because she knew she’d be risking injury in the process for minimal gain. Demi was also smart in not appearing. Out of sight and out of mind.
Jason: I was just thinking “wait, was Daba Kato there the whole time?” and then BAM he ends the first ever multiple segment match in the Underground…and, wait that’s it? That’s all we get?
Man, I really hope Randy punts Adam Pearce next week. That MF set the Snake Man up.
Jay: This is terrible. I legit think they are going to do a Mandible Fracture Match where the loser gets their jaw wired shut and I’m going to have to do thing about mandibular anatomy for the predictions piece. They can’t just do a last man standing match or an I Quit Match that a feud like this would easily accommodate?
And I’ve been saying this for WEEKS. Raw Underground just proved how effective it can be at advancing feuds and they refuse to place more emphasis or importance on it.
Jason: They need to sh*t or get off the pot with The Underground. Either it’s a ridiculous 50-year-old man-child’s desperate attempt to seem cool by forcing his dad’s employees to fight in a smokey warehouse, or it’s that same thing and we take it seriously. This half-assing of the damn thing is not working.
Speaking of things that aren’t working, there’s the latest nonsense they’re trying to have Murphy walk to the ring to. Also not working, Dom’s gear tonight. Rumor has it the kid’s got a mask waiting and ready to go, and if he’s going to be dressing like Optimus Prime, he may as well go full childhood fantasy. The dive off the crowd monitors was nice, though.
Jay: You know, I’m not going to throw shade. The guy has an opportunity and he is making the most of it. Good on him. No snark from me here. But Rey has to be in line for a terrible father of the year award somewhere.
Jason: Oh god, yeah. “My son and I have been getting our asses kicked by these guys for months. Why don’t I bring my completely untrained wife and daughter ringside while a jacked Aussie dude wears out my son with a chair?” To be fair, Aalyah Mysterio with a kendo stick is at least as threatening as NXT Superstar Aliyah.
That sunset powerbomb to the outside was pretty good, too. Maybe Dom does have a future out there.
Jay: That was touching. Nothing brings a family together like wrecking a common enemy. Oh, Jason. I got the sniffles.
Jason: I’m just very glad that Jerry Lawler wasn’t on commentary for that so we didn’t hear the inevitable racist comment you’d expect from a Mexican American family beating a bad guy with sticks.
Jay: Yeah. I was scared that was coming from Cole but I was pleasantly surprised. Not the worst ending we’ve seen to Raw all things considered.
Jason: A little flat, didn’t feel like it was the actual ending, but whatever.
Jay: Truth. Same time next week?
And that’s Raw in a nutshell. An abrupt ending to an up and down show. RETRIBUTION has direction (Kinda), the Riott Squad beat the women’s tag champs (kinda), and we got probably the most legit Underground segments yet. Tell us in the comments what you thought of tonight’s episode!
See you next Monday!
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