Movie Reviews

‘Snow Valley’ review: Frigid horror-thriller never finds rhythm

There’s a storm coming.

March 26, 2024

Snow Valley checks off all the boxes for a fun haunted house movie. There are uninvited guests, the anniversary of a tragic event, and Barbara Crampton. Definitely not the best circumstances for a weekend getaway for a recently engaged couple. Especially when one of them has dark secrets.

Things start slow and never get out of first gear. What should be a series of escalating events lack any sort of gravity. There is never any sense of urgency as Snow Valley just plods along. The script tries to space things out, but it does slip into a few exposition dumps. And nothing ever feels important.

It does not help that almost all of the characters are annoying. Heath Johnson (Cooper van Grootel) is one of the most unlikable leads to come along in a while. This can be explained away – sorta – but the effortless obnoxiousness is almost impressive. The same cannot be said for the rest of the cast who somehow manage to be annoying without leaving a lasting impression. This includes a bickering husband and wife that seem to be a commentary on toxic masculinity but instead feel like that couple that are always arguing and make things awkward for everyone else. (No one seems to pay them any mind here.)

The near saving grace is Tom Williamson who plays Ed, the friend that no one really wants around. He is over the top and erratic to the point of being inconsistent. He also breathes life into a movie that is otherwise very frigid. Once he arrives about halfway through Snow Valley he completely takes over.

That ends up being the film’s biggest problem. Snow Valley is a bunch of people that are not fun to spend time with doing things that do matter. There are hints of something more sinister and mysterious, but the sudden twist and rushed ending take away any hopes of salvaging this. It is never bad, but it also is never interesting- which is a whole lot worse.