Worlds’ Finest #26
Written by Paul Levitz | Art by Tyler Kirkham
Dog: “It can’t be; crime fighters strangely wear pants in this world!”
Dave: Holy rocket boob Power Girl! She may not go home but her breasts are already on their way.
Jordan: Yeah, any closer and her boobs will just be pulled right out…
Starlight #5
Written by Mark Millar | Art by Goran Parlov
Dave: The heads turn into light but there’s somehow blood—purple blood at that—all over the place. Oh wait, the kid spilled his grape juice, that’s what we’re seeing!
Dog: Oh, so he didn’t turn their heads into yellow sea urchins?
Sean: “Let him do what every other orphan has to do. Become a billionaire, and fight crime in form-fitting outfit!”
Constantine #17
Written by Ray Fawkes | Art by Edgar Salazar
Dave: Somebody get this guy a gym pass. Those biceps and triceps are looking stringy.
Jordan: Man, I didn’t know sunburns got this bad.
Dog: Somewhere off the coast there’s a Hannibal Lecter shark swimming around in a human skin suit.
Skullkickers #30
Written by Jim Zub and various | Art by Jeff “Chamba” Cruz and various
Dave: If there’s one thing that’s been coming for a long time it’s the beating of the old and decrepit.
Dog: They’ve fallen to the villainous might of the Obama Death Panel! Who says there aren’t conservative comic books?
Godzilla: Cataclysm #1
Written and Cullen Bunn | Art by Dave Wachter
Dog: The standard van mural for Japanese dirtbags.
Dave: How the Godzilla love film ever got out is beyond me, but at least we’ve finally got proof Godzilla is a bottom.
Jordan: Whoa man! Get out of my personal space!
Sean: Go go Godzilla, indeed.
Sex Criminals #7
Written Matt Fraction | Drawn by Chip Zdarsky
Dave: Darth Maul would be proud of this double dildo staff.
Jordan: And now a scene from the porn parody of Highlander.
Dog: If this is what happens at those laser Floyd shows, I’m glad I decided to make popcorn and smoke up at home.
Hex #1
Written by Michael Alan Nelson | Art by Dan Mora
Dave: Somebody was low on paint, but high on body count.
Jordan: Also, make sure the cleaners use bleach. LOTS of bleach.
Dog: “And then kill the cleaners to keep them quiet. Then hire more cleaners and kill them. Ya know what, just throw a tarp over it.”
Coffin Hill #10
Written by Caitlin Kittredge | Art by Inaki Miranda
Jordan: Oh my god! She’s not even human! She’s full of ink.
Dog: She’s more tattoo than woman!
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