Axis: Hobgoblin #1
Written Kevin Shinick | Art by Javier Rodriguez
Dave: ‘Hobnobber’ is a dirty term, right?
Dog: I’m more interested in why his elbow just went nova.
Jordan: Hmm, I’m not sure if this business will work. His customer relations are rather low.
Dave: The foreword by Gene Simmons confirms it!
Dog: Bogus chemistry and weight loss claims? I knew Dr. Oz was evil, but I never suspected he was behind the Hobgoblin hood!
Written James Tynion IV | Art by Eryk Donovan
Dave: Video game PSA done right. Games will make your eyes bleed and force you to kill your friends.
John: That’s blood? I thought it was his war paint when he goes buck crazy!
Dog: What’s his shirt say? “Bro Eats My Thumbs”?
Jordan: For the last damn time, stop showing me that YouTube video on your phone!
Arkham Manor #1
Written Gerry Duggan | Art by Shawn Crystal
Dave: Much like his chin, which whispers to me!
Dog: If that Batman whispered to me, we’d start either a forest fire or the hottest, hirsute gay softcore in history.
Written Mark Millar | Art by Goran Parlov
Dog: Let’s see Christ the Redeemer do THAT!
Inferno: Rings of Hell #3
Written by Mike Wolfer | Art by Fernando Argosino
Dave: Bobblehead death is real! Never forget Buddha Bobble…never forget…
John: Who needs walk away explosions, when you can have walk away decapitations!
Jordan: But he’s dead now. How can he show respect if he’s dead?
Dave: A front wedgie is proof you don’t have a penis. Or just really uncomfortable.
Dog: She’ll never hit it out of the infield choking up that high.
Jordan: You know who will also pay? That woman who sold that lady that pink outfit. She said it would be tear resistant!
Dave: I’d much rather look at butts all day then genitals, but I guess Hell has a strict eye-to-genital quota they have to reach.
Dog: Rule 34 once again confirmed, this time with faith healing, misaligned, Battle Beast S&M.
Amazing Spider-Man (2014-) #8
Written Dan Slott | Art by Giuseppe Camuncoli
Dave: No, no it’s just gross.
Dog: You hatch with a “crack.” “SPROK” sounds more like springing a leak.
Jordan: It’s like if you combined crap, boogers, and pimples all into one disgusting thing.
Written and drawn by Tony Salvador Daniel
Dave: You’re supposed to use the knife end Deathstroke…someone failed culinary school. Just look at that cantaloupe!
Dog: Jesus Christ, just put the wing dings in there. No one wants to read network-TV-bad-word-substitution Deathstroke. Stuff that!
Jordan: What?! You call that a badass one liner? You go back to the drawing room and then we’ll try this again.
The Wicked + The Divine #5
Written Kieron Gillen | Art by Jamie McKelvie
Dave: It’s not every day your head turns into a giant atom and explodes.
John: She drives them so crazy their heads explode!
Dog: Hope she had life insurance. Be a shame if her loved ones got stuck with that dry cleaning bill.
Jordan: Death by glowing spaghetti!
13 Coins #1
Written Martin Brennan and Michael B Jackson | Art by Simon Bisley
John: Behold! The Spear of Levitation. Upon cutting its victims in half it levitates their body to humiliate them and instill fear!
Dog: That’s a beautiful … diorama? There doesn’t seem to be any motion ANYwhere.
Dave: I hate when people cut in line!
Harley Quinn (2013-) #11
Written by Amanda Conner | Art by Chad Harden
Dave: She has super speed but can’t figure out her clothing tore off? Wait a minute, this is a classic guy move to get naked on the first date…tisk tisk Power Girl.
Dog: The Comics Code Authority breathes easily thanks to Harley Quinn’s neapolitan afro puffs.
Dave: Anyone else notice the hairy beaver in these shots? Talk about teasing!
Jordan: And now you know why Power Girl only wears one costume. Anything else tends to… “fall apart by accident”.
Dave: If they put armor there it’d have to be see through.
Dog: Well, Coney Island Brewing Joker likes what he sees.
Jordan: No armor needs to go there. That’s your like symbol and trademark! Big vast cleavage! Anyone sees that instantly knows who you are.
Like what we do here at AIPT? Consider supporting us and independent comics journalism by becoming a patron today! In addition to our sincere thanks, you can browse AIPT ad-free, gain access to our vibrant Discord community of patrons and staff members, get trade paperbacks sent to your house every month, and a lot more. Click the button below to get started!