Harley Quinn (2013-) #1: Holiday Special
Written by Amanda Conner & Jimmy Palmiotti | Art by Darwyn Cooke
Dog: Well, the grandfather clock is the biggest one in the house.
Dave: Nothing is wrong children…nothing to see here…I think he finished; just look at that last panel!
Sean: Oh, seriously grandpa, you served in Korea, don’t act so shocked.
Deep State #2
Written by Justin Jordan | Art by Ariela Kristantina
Dave: Now that is one awesome Halloween pincushion!
Dog: People laugh at me when I tell them how dangerous acupuncture is.
Sean: The new Pinhead design is just lazy.
Amazing Spider-Man #11
Written by Dan Slott | Art by Olivier Coipel
Dave: He goes for the Captain when he had basically a bare-chested Spider totem to eat RIGHT THERE. I guess we know which way Morlun swings.
Dog: Vegan too, apparently, as he overlooked the pig. I don’t think these villains are cloned when they die; they just import exact duplicates from Williamsburg.
East of Westworld #1
Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Nick Dragotta
Dave: Fleshlight 2.0 has gotten really aggressive.
Dog: Chimpanzee Hobgoblin shouldn’t have forgotten his grundle-guard.
Sean: ‘Cause it’s a Thriller! Thriller night!
Prometheus: Fire and Stone #4
Written by Paul Tobin | Art by Juan Ferreyra
Dave: I hate when they play with their food.
Dog: “Sorry to start without you, Gary, but I figured with hot food it’s okay.”
Written by Michael Alan Nelson | Art by Dan Mora
Dave: Alternate scene in Spaceballs.
Dog: Does the Keeper of Secrets live in that guy’s duodenum? Is the secret what the appendix was used for?
Sean: If you feelin’ like a stomach goblin, go ‘head, brush yo bile off.
Savage Dragon #200
Written and Drawn by Erik Larsen
Dave: She’s kinda high on him for this to be working. Or am I thinking too much into this?
Dog: You don’t know much about reptile genitalia, do you, Dave?
Crossed: Badlands #68
Written by David Lapham | Art by German Erramouspe
Dave: Freud was almost right. Guy was never a foodie which got in the way of his science.
Dog: Hold on, we don’t see the penis. She could be wearing it right now!
Sean: Bratwurst anyone?
Sex Criminals #9
Written by Matt Fraction | Art by Chip Zdarsky
Dog: That’s not her ass.
Dave: Juci, dat ass…what is this a rap video from the 80’s?
Sean: I picture him sounding like David Bowie, which makes this scene a lot funnier.
Lady Demon #1
Written by Aaron Gillespie | Art by Mirka Andolfo
Dave: Tooth decay leads to face decay, which leads to leads to fly feasts. I’ve seen it a hundred times!
Dog: Shouldn’t have used roadkill as chaw. But I guess, when in South Carolina ….
Sean: That hair is gorgeous though. Can we talk about that hair?
Written by Joe Keatinge | Art by Leila Del Duca
Dave: How can he be gurgling? His intestines are like party streamers!
Dog: I didn’t like Tarantino’s adaptation of Animal Farm.
Mercy Thompson #3
Written by Patricia Briggs, Rik Hoskin | Art by Tom Garcia
Dog: “I’m waving; can’t you see me?!”
Dave: This is what happens when you get too handsy.
V Wars #8
Written by Jonathan Maberry | Art by Marco Turini
Dave: I usually shoot my friends in the head too.
Dog: Your friends are mannequins filled with marmalade?
Like what we do here at AIPT? Consider supporting us and independent comics journalism by becoming a patron today! In addition to our sincere thanks, you can browse AIPT ad-free, gain access to our vibrant Discord community of patrons and staff members, get trade paperbacks sent to your house every month, and a lot more. Click the button below to get started!