Maybe you can’t afford every comic, but it should be your inherent right to see the most gross, despicable and deplorable images that come out of comic books each week. And by God, we’re gonna give ’em to ya:
Dave: To think you can get a finger that deep in an eye socket and not have the guy stop attacking you…yuck.
Sean: Bowling anyone?
Russ: Holy orbital bone massage, Murdock! Isn’t this like the third week in a row we’ve seen a panel that involves eyesockets being thumb-blasted?
I didn’t like it when this happened 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, Blade Runner, or Dark Knight #16, and hot dammit — I don’t like it here either. (Though at this rate, I’ll probably be desensitized to it two weeks from now.)
Dave: This is a pedo-Santa killer who likes heroin. Yeah I’d call that in poor taste.
Sean: Oh sweet Uncle Chris. You and your black tar.
Russ: I always wondered what Santa treated himself to after his annual trek; and that answers the question of just how he barrels his fat ass up and down those chimneys with such adroitness.
Justice League of America #1
Written by Geoff Johns / Art by David Finch
Dave: Side boob explosion in a scene with explosions!
Sean: Oh no, the explosion burned off her pants! This is an outrage!
Russ: I’m more outraged at Dave’s misinformed perception of side boob.
Judge Dredd #4
Dave: Needle gun for the win…or for the worst? I can’t decide because that dude getting shot makes me cringe.
Sean: Now that’s how you boot H!
Russ: Note to self: Use this defense technique during next visit to proctologist.
Dave: Giant baby timesuck hatching from an egg that was a planet. Narly!
Sean: Someone had some HUGE sperm!
Savage Wolverine #2
Dave: In this week’s edition of “how many ways can you draw an upskirt shot” Frank Cho delivers his top 3!
Sean: He needs a tarp for the floor after drawing these issues.
Russ: This ain’t s--t. Just wait’ll you see Dejah Thoris. Keep reading.
Thor: God of Thunder #5
Dave: They always said Thor could slice, but I never knew he could dice!
Sean: If you’re not into metal, you are not my friend!
Russ: Anyone else wonder where the God Butcher goes male thong shopping? It’s a comfort thing, alright?
Wonder Woman #17
Dave: If you’ve ever wanted to see a guy slam a giant shark in the mouth with a helicopter propeller blade and see all its bloody teeth fall out…you’re welcome!
Sean: Where does a shark go to get dental work done?
Adventure Time #13
Dave: This brings new meaning to those who are close to their pets.
Sean: You know, I guess I never realized what it’s really like for Jake when he rides in Finn. Ew.
Deadpool Vol. 4 #5 (Pick 1)
Dave: When your neck and head looks like cookie dough you have a major fshh gurgle problem.
Sean: Damn, Meshell Ndegeocello just got messed up!
Russ: That’s what you get for not voting for Washington, lady.
Wait… are women allowed to vote?
Deadpool Vol. 4 #5 (Pick 2)
Dave: Why is this making me hungry?! I sure love red stringy globs. That must be it.
Russ: Fact: Jellybeans are comprised of neither beans nor jelly.
Fact: Ronald Reagan’s favorite jellybean flavor was licorice.
Fact: If you have functioning internal organs, even as a zombie, jellybeans are still delicious bean-shaped confectionery treats.
Sean: Jelly beans… of the Dead.
Dejah Thoris and the Green Men of Mars #1 (Pick 1)
Russ: Told you to wait. I sacrificed my hard earned $3.99 on Dejah Thoris and the Green Men of Mars #1 for the sole reason of knowing I’d find myriad panels like this to use for this week’s edition Panels in Poor Taste:
And Dejah didn’t disappoint! Gratuitous, lascivious poses galore. I mean… I bought this for the storyline. I swear!
Dave: Poor Dejah, if only her creators drew her so that she didn’t look to be enjoying it just a little. Or maybe that’s just me…[awkward silence]…s--t where’s the tentacles at?!
Dejah Thoris and the Green Men of Mars #1 (Pick 2)
Russ: To anyone purchasing these: Just man up and buy an issue of Hustler. (You’ll probably get looked at with more respect that way too.)
Dave: I read in The Economist people who enjoy this kind of entertainment love hentai, eat Dorito smoothies and pray some day they’ll meet the “sexy breast and vagina cartoon superman” of their dreams. Yes, that was an actual search term that landed someone on our website the other day. I’m just as baffled as you guys.
Sean: Say what you will about the content, but those nipples are in solid bronze armor-pasties. At least her nipples will be safe.