Panels In Poor Taste: 4/19/13 – Alien Strangle Foreplay And Monkey Swakking

Every Friday we devise this little column we like to call Panels in Poor Taste wherein we highlight panels from this week’s comic book haul. Not just any panels though: specifically the ones that feature egregious levels of violence, T & A, despicable dialogue — or better still, all three simultaneously. Enjoy, fellow deviants:

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B.P.R.D. Hell on Earth #106: A Cold Day in Hell Part 2

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Written by Mike MIgnola, John Arcudi | Art byPeter Snejbjerg

Dave: How cute is that lil demon inside the rib cage. You are, YOU ARE!

Jordan: Now that’s just not sanitary.

Sean: Mmmm, ribs.

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Savage Wolverine #4

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Written and Art by Frank Cho

Dave: I know there’s a thing called “side boob” but is there such a thing as “side vagina”? Cuz if there is, Shanna the She-Devil sure has a lot of it.

Jordan: And now, a flashback to Dead or Alive Xtreme 2!

Sean: Nothing is hotter than a woman soaked in Ecto Cooler.

Russ: If Cho’s gonna be inspired to draw buxom babes in nothing but bikinis and beltstraps (alliteration is for assholes) it might as well be Giacinta “Jinx” Johnson who does the inspiring:

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Hellraiser: The Dark Watch #3

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Written byClive Barker, Brandon Seifert / Art by Tom Garcia

Dave: This isn’t normal. But on meth it is!

Sean: He’s cool, just give him a minute. He’s fiiiiine.

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Cable and X-Force #7

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Written by Dennis Hopeless | Art by Salvador Larroca

Dave: Is this rape?

Jordan: Yikes, watch it with the choking. Lock that alien up!

Dave: Hmmm… “goo.” Yeah, I’d say yes…it was rape.

Sean: Nothing funny about unwanted sexual intercourse with an alien.

It’s only funny if they want it.

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Judge Dredd #6

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Written by Duane Swierczynski | Art by Nelson Daniel

Dave: The brains really paint this picture, but it’s the “sploooosh” that sells it.

Sean:

Russ: “Let me know if my little stick does anything for your headache.” Now how in the blue hell did Duane Swierczynski get his mitts on Sean’s best pickup line during his girlfriend’s menstrual cycle?

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Daredevil Vol. 3 #25

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Written by Mark Waid | Art by Chris Samnee

Dave: This must really screw up Daredevil’s sex life…

Sean: “Damn. Another faker.”

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Venom Vol. 2 #34

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Written by Cullen Bunn | Art by Declan Shalvey

Dave: Brings new meaning to “deep throating.” Yeesh.

Sean: The first homeless man correct about people being robots.

Jordan: Whoa! Two weeks in a row and I’m reminded of The Stuff!

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Danger Girl Trinity #1 (Pick 1)

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Written by Andy Hartnell | Art by Stephen Molnar, John Royle, Brian Stelfreeze

Dave: What is she doing with her hand? I can’t stop looking at her stupid hand!

Okay…you got me…I have a hand fetish…sigh…

Russ: Shyamalan twist: Dave is just narrating his latest exploits from standing in front of the bathroom mirror.

Jordan: Maybe I’m not familiar with women’s underwear, but should it fit like that?

Sean: Well, it’s painted on, so that’s why.

Just lean on the panel, why don’t ya? Loser.

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Danger Girl Trinity #1 (Pick 2)

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Dave: First rule of monkeys, never “swakk” a monkey. Second rule of monkeys, never send a monkey, with an eyepatch, on a “swooo.” ALL other monkeys are swoo-able. Dur.

Sean: Snake Plissken monkey is pissed now.

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Red Hood and the Outlaws #19

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Written by James Tynion IV | Art byJulius Gopez

Russ: “Quickly Roy, slip into a spare pair of my egregiously slutty monokinis and warm yourself right up.”

Dave: Contrary to popular belief her nipple stickies are lined with fleece.

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Dejah Thoris and the Green Men of Mars #3

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Written by Mark Rahner | Art by Lui Antonio

Russ: Another alien that chokes women as foreplay? Do they have any other moves? Also, they’d get along really well with Maria Menounos.

Dave: Nothing brings joy to the heart of a Green Man of Mars more than a good strangle. Why do you think they have 4 arms? Simply to hold down and strangle as many sticky nipple wearing women as possible!