Making a member: Pontificating on Bigfoot’s dick

Sometimes as an editor, you have to solicit stories you don’t want to. For a few days I sat in quiet amusement as everyone marveled at the Virginia congressional race that now features one candidate accusing another of being a devotee of “Bigfoot erotica.”

Seriously, you didn’t know that’s a thing? Old news!

As the story persisted in the public consciousness, a hard (no pun intended) realization crept up on me. As stewards of all things pop culture and paranormal, AiPT! Science was going to have to address this. But where’s the fresh angle?

Thanks, Leslie Cockburn (I swear, you can’t make this up), for pointing out the giant, black bar across Bigfoot’s junk. If Bigfoot were a real animal, though, just how big would that bar be? Given what we know about primate anatomy and what we “know” about Bigfoot behavior, can we make some educated guesses about the pipe he’s swinging?

I can't believe it's come to this, but an editor's gotta edit.

*sigh*

Does anyone want to write something speculative about what #Bigfoot's penis might ACTUALLY look like? You know, behind Denver Riggleman's "CENSORED" bar?@BTRadford? @TetZoo? I am ashamed yet curious.

— Russ Dobler (parody account) (@russdobler46) July 31, 2018

Zoologist and author of the speculative biology book The Cryptozoologicon, Darren Naish (Twitter handle “@TetZoo”), was inspired. As was comedian and anthropologist, Kyle Marian.

I'm not saying that I support the validity of Bigfoot :) … but current thinking among supporters is that they live in small family groups.

— Darren Naish (@TetZoo) July 31, 2018

From there, it was off to the genital races.

https://twitter.com/kylemarian/status/1024412300843859969

You’re right on those counts, but group size by itself isn’t enough. It’s the social dynamic that’s more indicative (eg, more females in group, less females, do males leave their natal group, what that means for mating selection & competition). Being in a group isn’t enough info.

— KyleMarian (@kylemarian) August 1, 2018

And they say scientists think too much.

And to bring this full circle, writers have made a bunch of speculations on what social system and anatomy might be in BF, based on these correlations and on eyewitness data. Of course it could all be bs, but it's fun to think about :)

— Darren Naish (@TetZoo) August 1, 2018

A day later, this was born.

I regret nothing.

The Critical Angle is a recurring feature that uses critical thinking and skepticism to analyze pop culture phenomena. Skepticism is an approach to evaluating claims that emphasizes evidence and applies the tools of science. Rather than repeating the same old arguments, we put them to the test.