Movies

The worst movies to see for your first Valentine’s date

It might be best to save these for another night.

February 14, 2020

Happy Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day, or Palentine’s Day. And if you do not celebrate any of them, Happy Friday! Whether you care or not, it is Valentine’s Day. If you are with a group of friends mocking Cupid’s day, there are plenty of great movies to watch today. If you do have a date, you still have plenty of options, but there are definitely some films you should avoid. Here are the worst movies to see on your first Valentine’s date. (Once you get past the first one, you can do whatever you want. At least, I do.)

Irreversible (2002)

The movie ends with a couple clearly happy at the prospect of having a child. With director Gaspar Noe’s Irreversible, nothing is as it seems, however. The end of the film is actually the beginning of the story. The actual end of the tale (which is the beginning of the movie) sees Alex in a coma and her boyfriend on a stretcher. Before (or after) the audience gets to that point, there is an almost ten minute long anal rape scene.

Oldboy (2003)

Parasite is not the first movie from South Korea to win international acclaim. Directed by Park Chan-wook, Oldboy almost became the first film out of the country to win the Palme d’Or when it won the Grand Prix at the Cannes Film Festival. A man is held captive for fifteen years. When he is finally released, he seeks out his captors. Along the way he begins a romance that leads to one of the most shocking twists in cinema history.

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

A movie about a drug addled couple fighting to overcome their addictions is going to be heady stuff, but at least there will be many moments demonstrating the power of love punctuated by a heartwarming ending. Instead, the movie is one of the most depressing movies of all time. It is undeniably great, but should not be watched more than once. It may be a good idea to avoid Darren Aronofsky movies in general based on how his relationships end up.

Teeth (2007)

Scary movies have been a traditional date destination for decades. Even more so than romantic comedies, a fun horror movie can be perfect for a couple. Maybe it is the way can effortlessly weave sex into its narrative. Teeth is certainly unique and it absolutely weaves sex into its plot. However, a story about a woman with whose vagina has fully functional teeth can be a deal breaker. Plus, the film is not that great.

Blue is the Warmest Colour (2013)

Another great movie that is not the best way to spend Valentine’s Day. Just like many of the other movies on this list, it sounds like it will be the perfect date movie. The story of how two young women affected each other’s lives over the course of years is the premise for a beautiful story. The audience will have a chance to see the highs and lows of budding love. It does succeed on those counts, but it also shows the pain of lost love and missed opportunities.