For once, Scully and Hitchcock show up to work before all their colleagues. The two discuss how they’re considered the buffoons but yet the real slackers failed to come in. Suddenly, Jake storms in wearing a full protective suit and gas mask. The reason no one is there is because the building is being fumigated. Scully passes out from the fumes.
[SPOILERS FOR 7.12 AHEAD!]
Someone dognaps Cheddar while he was at the park with Kevin. Holt enlists Peralta to help find his fluffy boy. Both he and his husband are on edge causing the usually stoic captain to lose it on the phone call with the kidnappers before they can trace the location. Later, a text is sent with the demands. Rather than ask for money, the abductors want all the case files from May 2004. This serves as the first lead so the Captain combs through the paperwork to find anything suspicious. He suspects the perpetrator to be Kingston, a crime lord who was just released from prison and is looking for the snitch that helped the police.
Meanwhile, Kevin and Jake return to the park searching for clues. Kevin becomes more distraught as everything he sees reminds him of his lost dog. It wasn’t all a loss though. The detective finds surveillance video of the dognapping and pulls the perpetrators license plate. When the police visit the address linked with the car, they find the building abandoned. Holt receives another call with the drop instructions which ask for Kevin to deliver a flash drive containing the files. Since he doesn’t want his husband placed in danger, Holt agrees to disguise Jake as his partner and train him to move, talk and act like Kevin. A real Pygmalion situation or as Peralta calls it, pig mailman.
The drop takes place during a Shakespeare festival and the stakeout team lose Jake amongst all the professor types. In the confusion, Kingston grabs Peralta to make the switch. When he pats down the undercover detective, he becomes suspicious after finding two guns. Jake is able to free Cheddar but is then taken hostage. Luckily when Peralta and Kevin switched clothes, the dog’s GPS trackers were still in the pants pocket so the police locate the criminal’s hide out. Holt comes to the rescue and unleashes his inner 80’s action hero, quips and all. The Captain and Kingston engage in an intense fight with Raymond coming out on top and saving the day.
Elsewhere, Amy is looking to win the perfect stroller for her future bundle of joy. There is an endurance contest where the last person to keep their hand on the baby carriage, wins it. However, pregnant women aren’t allowed to compete after an ugly incident the previous year so Rosa takes her place. The biggest competition is Santiago’s ex, Teddy, whose wife is also pregnant.
It’s evident that Amy isn’t missing much since her previous boyfriend is still boring. In fact, that’s his strategy; to bore the other contestants into submission with his recipes for mild salsa and anecdotes about light rail systems. It all comes down to Diaz and Ramos (he took his wife’s last name). Alas, even Rosa succumbs but Teddy does give his ex the option to have the stroller in exchange for her hand in marriage. Amy obviously passes.
Also, Terry and Charles go into business together as an old Boyle family recipe for bone broth is the perfect supplement to help recover and reduce soreness after working out. Charles’ ancestors needed something during potato digging season to keep everyone healthy in the furrows. They try to pitch the product to Jeffords’ gym friend but a tweaking of the recipe causes it to be unstable and start blowing up in the jars. At least the pair break even when Terry convinces another associate to buy the company domain name, WorkPlaceBoneBuds.
“Ransom” may be one of the weakest episodes this season since it turns to unoriginal storylines. The Pygmalion scene is only mildly funny and I’ve already seen better this TV season on Year of the Rabbit. Then there is the take on the “hands-on” contest. At least there was the personal moment between Rosa and Amy since Rosa was trying to win a better stroller than the one she bought for the baby shower. Plus, as far as Brooklyn Nine-Nine guest characters go, Teddy is far from anyone’s favorite.
The biggest highlight of the episode, besides Hitchcock clapping at his haters, is action hero Holt. Normally, the captain is calm and measured, but steal the man’s dog and he’ll go all John Wick on a punk. The fight scene was pretty well choreographed and the old man shows he still got it by coming out on top. And Braugher has the acting chops to deliver the cheesy quips with gravitas. Did you know that either Passenger 57, Rush Hour or Lethal Weapon were inspired by Holt’s policing adventures in the 80’s? If it was the last one, does that make Jake Riggs to his captain’s Murtaugh?
My Favorite Lines:
Amy: All the best strollers are from Scandinavia where they don’t hate people for having children.
Rosa: I saw Midsommar. Those people have their own problems.
Charles: We can call our company The Bone Boys. No. More Bone, Less Moan. No. Work Place Bone Buds. That’s the one. I’m registering it.
Holt: That’s weird. It’s sunny outside.
Jake: Why is that weird?
Holt: Because a sh*t storm is about to rain down on that punk!
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