Welcome to another edition of our Really Dumb Pop Culture Questionnaire. As its name might suggest, it’s a fun and frivolous way for creators to share their most asinine opinions on all things pop culture. Because being dumb doesn’t mean something still isn’t valuable. (Usually.)
For this edition, we quizzed writer Erik Burnham, who is currently writing Red Sonja: Age of Chaos for Dynamite Entertaiment (as well as Ghostbusters: Year One for IDW). He’s also written Spider-Man and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, among other titles.
For even more of Burnham, be sure to follow him on Twitter @erikburnham.
What’s the perfect song for making a sandwich?
My God, I want to say anything by Bread. But their music is so slow. I need a quicker pace set for my sandwich-creating. Gimme a good beat. You know what? I’m going with the Ting Tings’ “Shut Up and Let Me Go.” You should have any sandwich that doesn’t require grilling done by the time that song is done. Perhaps someone out there is surprised I didn’t pick Weird Al’s theme to Rocky XIII; but he only name checks rye and kaiser. Sometimes the proper sandwich needs a different kind of bread. I don’t make the rules, I simply enforce them.
What kind of home decor would Superman prefer?
At first, I was thinking something minimalist. But come on, Clark not only has a hoarding problem up at the ol’ Fortress of Solitude, he was raised in the rural Midwest. People like that, I know from experience, get sentimental about little things. More folks than not have tchotchkes and mementos all over, and Clark Kent isn’t gonna be different. Lois will make fun of a snow globe, but see, his mom got it for him over to the county fair when he was 11. He can’t just get rid of something like that. I also expect a small copy of Durer’s [praying] hands hanging somewhere. I suspect Clark would like the story. I just know one thing: he doesn’t do wallpaper.
If you could eat dinner with one fictional character, who would it be and why?
Look, I just want Jon Favreau’s Carl Casper [from Chef] to hook me up with a tasting menu. Or, if we’re just talking about someone to chat with over a meal, make it She-Hulk. It’s always fun to share a meal with a jovial lawyer. They got stories.
Who would win in a fight: Batman or Griffin from The Invisible Man?
Are you telling me Batman doesn’t have infrared lenses built into that mask of his at this point? Or he could wait until Griffin started laughing and throw something at him, I mean, really, either way, Batman wins. There’s a rule somewhere. I recall, vividly, how nerds argued that it was unfair Batman lost to the Silver Surfer in an online poll once, so… where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Batman wins. Come on, he beat a Predator once! They turn invisible too! Wait. Have I been tricked? Is this entire scenario just presented to somehow cause Alan Moore to twitch? Am I going to get cursed over this?
You can keep one character in a movie but everyone else is replaced by Muppets. Which film and what’s the one character?
Fight Club. Keep Edward Norton.
Who would make a better president: C-3PO or Ted Logan from Bill and Ted? And why?
Ted “Theodore” Logan is a kind and sensitive individual whose destiny is to co-create music that will save the world. Politics would destroy him.
On the other hand, Threepio is already perpetually stressed, unfailingly polite to strangers, and can communicate in any language. Sure, he’s passive aggressive and a little unsure of the right decision sometimes, but he’s also willing to take credit for lucking onto the right path if it nets him some praise. He might be the best president we’ve ever had.
If they made a movie of your life, who would you cast as yourself?
I don’t have this kind of self-awareness, so I quizzed some friends because no one said I couldn’t. The consensus was Paul Rudd; after all, if he can make new fans for Ant-Man, he can make me likeable and endearing. In theory, anyway. The man’s talent has limits.
At the very least he could sneak a new Mac and Me clip into Conan’s show, right?
Would you rather have to use the word “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” in everything you ever created or eat uncooked pasta for dinner for 1 week?
There’s leeway in this phrasing, so — and no take-backs — I’m going with the uncooked pasta. As there was no specification that the pasta was the entirety of the meal, nor how much had to be consumed, we’re gonna grind up a couple of uncooked noodles and sprinkle them over a salad. Voila.
Choose a roommate and why: Neo from The Matrix or Vlad the Impaler from Bram Stoker’s Dracula?
So basically it’s “do you want to live with someone who’s basically online all day and arguably has poor social skills” OR “domineering roommate who tries to take all your stuff without asking, up to and including your blood.”
Okay, to be fair, Vlad is rich so at least I won’t have to worry about splitting the bills, but on the other hand, I’d be dead. Or eating flies and laughing like Dwight Frye. But Neo would really suck up all the internet bandwidth. Hmm. Well, I can buy a wooden stake. Dracula it is.
What’s one pop culture title/franchise you say you love but either hate or have never seen/read/heard/etc.?
I don’t say I love it… I just try and downplay the fact that I’m just not as in love with Blade Runner as so many in nerdom. I try watching it every decade or so to see if there’s a perspective shift. But… nope. Sorry. It’s just not for me!
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