X-Men Monday #191 – 2023 Valentine’s Day Special

Welcome, X-Fans, to another uncanny — and dare I say, romantic — edition of X-Men Monday at AIPT!

Valentine’s Day. You either love it, despise it, or don’t even think about it. And then there’s me — someone who never passes up an opportunity to make X-Men Monday as ridiculous as possible. No matter how I personally feel about Valentine’s Day, it definitely provides one of those opportunities!

Fortunately, several of our friends in the X-Office and beyond also love to get silly. But of course, you know that from last year’s exceptionally ridiculous 2022 X-Men Monday Valentine’s Day Special, which was such a blast we’re doing it again.

Before we start, just a disclaimer for the super-speculative X-Fans reading that this isn’t one of those X-Men Mondays where we’re hinting at new additions to the X-Office. It’s just a mix of current and former X-creators, as well as friends of X-Men Monday, united in a desire to talk about their favorite mutants’ messy personal lives.

So grab a cupcake, sit back, and enjoy the fun!

AIPT: Welcome, everyone! Let’s start with a nice, wholesome question. What, in your opinion, is the most romantic moment in X-Men history?

Al Ewing: Chaos answer — Charles/Max in the rose garden in Uncanny X-Men #200.

Officially endorsed answer… impossible to pick, but there is something very sweet about the Cyclops/Emma “celibacy” exchange in the earliest phase of their relationship in the Morrison days? Scott’s naked, Emma’s in a slinky dress, it ticks the visual hotness boxes for both of them, and there’s some A+ flirting and the question of whether they bone down is left to our filthy imaginations for months… BUT! When we see what happened, we find out that there was clear communication in the moment and Emma respected Scott’s need to figure out his own submissive deal before diving into anything, especially outside his marriage. (It got messier later on, obviously, mostly because Scott is a sexy disaster boy.)

Jason Loo: This might sound super boring and conventional but Scott and Jean’s wedding issue (X-Men #30) read like a must-see episode of a prime time drama to me when I was 11. Lila Cheney singing “One” by U2 (which I’d imagine this cover sounding way better than the original) being the song to the couple’s first dance is just so sweet for a couple that’s known each other for decades in publication. And everyone was on their best behavior and super sentimental… except Sabertooth.

Anthony Oliveira: It has to be Scott and Jean atop the mesa, doesn’t it?

Alex Segura: Jean Grey/Phoenix removing Cyclops’ goggles and allowing him to see with her telekinetic powers.

Steve Orlando: My biases should be obvious, but I have to humbly suggest I just wrote it in the first issue of [redacted Fall of X title].

Ariana Maher: Kwannon and Greycrow sitting by the beach in Hellions.

Chris Cantwell: Anytime Shatterstar looked at someone in the 1990s.

Steve Foxe: I don’t know what it says about me, but my first reaction was Logan mercy-killing Jean near the end of New X-Men. Heartbreak feels good in a place like this.

Jordan Blum: That time Thanos wanted to impress Death so he killed half the universe including Cyclops by putting his head in an invisible box. That’s love, baby!

Charlie Jane Anders: For my money, the kiss between Synch (Everett Thomas) and the Vault version of Laura Kinney, at the end of X-Men #17. Synch is so nervous about rekindling the romance they found while trapped inside the Vault, and the kiss that resolves this tension is so beautiful and such a romantic moment. I was pumping my fist and cheering, and my first thought was, “I want this on a T-shirt!”

Tini Howard: That *in your opinion* is going to do a lot of work here, because for me it’ll forever be Captain Britain and Askani kissing amidst a swarm of rainbow butterflies in Knights of X #4. It’s the one that will always make me feel the most, now and forever. Lots of us fought for that love (cherylcole.mp3) and every time I see it my heart swells.

Kieron Gillen: You catch me in a moment of idealism: the most romantic moment in X-history is still to come.

AIPT: OK, so which X-Couple would be the most fun to hang out with?

Anthony Oliveira: Rogue and Gambit must be the most fun. 

Alex Segura: Rogue and Gambit would be the most fun!

Jason Loo: Probably Gambit and Rogue. I don’t mind being left alone in their living room while they’re getting busy upstairs. They got three cats I could play with. 

Steve Foxe: I don’t think a single X-Couple would be particularly good company — soap operas thrive on drama and dysfunction! Maybe Rogue and Remy on a good day?

Steve Orlando: For fun it would be hard for me not to say Fang and Aurora.

Al Ewing: Most fun… Fang and Somnus tick a lot of boxes. Ditto Maddie and Havok. Bobby and that harness. If we’re talking polite dinner party conversation… eeehhhhh… Kurt and Meggan? Don’t tell me they don’t count, I saw that almost-kiss. Wait, I want to change my answer to “most romantic moment”.

Ariana Maher: I would love to hang out with Xuân and Elle since they seem like a chill couple to play board games and have drinks with. For that same reason, I’d also choose Doug and Bei and Julio and Star, since it’s canon that they also have fun board game nights. I just really love board game nights.

Tini Howard: Rictor and Shatterstar. They’ve always reminded me of my friends. They feel to me like they’d be at the heart of a vibrant queer party on Krakoa, late nights and dancing, and that’s close to my heart, too.

Jordan D. White: I WANT to want to hang out with Deadpool and Shiklah, but I know that doing so would like 90% likely end up with me dead. I had such a great time working on that couple, they are a total trainwreck that I absolutely adore. By the way, I am pretty sure they are still married. I mean, Shiklah went off with her other husband (who, by the way, has appeared quite a bit without her since then) and left Deadpool behind… but it’s not like they filed divorce papers. I think they are still on the books. Deadpool is sloppy like that.

Chris Cantwell: The hottest X-Couple ever was U-Go Girl and Mister Sensitive. Perfect Y2K punk grunge love. All hormones. Sexy and a mess. Friends getting their guts blown out. Acne. One of them dies. It’s perfect.

AIPT: And now for a messier question… which X-Couple makes you want to come up with an excuse so you don’t have to hang out with them?

Mark Basso: Rogue and Gambit. For both questions, really. Depends how much you want to risk winding up in jail or in jeopardy do you choose to hang out or come up with an excuse.

Jason Loo: I’d probably be uncomfortable having dinner with Scott and Emma. They’d be doing their thing telepathically while I’m eating like a slob across from them. Who am I kidding?! They would never invite me to hang out.

Steve Orlando: The couple I’d dodge, maybe Apocalypse and Genesis? There’s fun, and then there’s centuries of bloodshed.

Charlie Jane Anders: If Jamie Madrox and Layla Miller showed up, in any of their configurations, I would suddenly develop horrible stomach cramps and also remember that I had promised to water my friends’ plants, in another town entirely. I like Jamie and Layla just fine separately, but their relationship always creeped me out, since they met when Layla was a kid and she precognitively “knew” that she and Jamie were meant to be together.

Steve Foxe: The one I’d REALLY avoid is Northstar and Kyle. They strike me as that couple that really works when it’s just the two of them and is probably unbearable whenever anyone else is around. But I also think Northstar is always unbearable company. Kyle is a saint.

Jordan Blum: Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor during their marriage just seemed like a terrible hang. People always accidentally calling her Jean, having to deal with baby Cable crawling around, again the whole Jean thing. There’s a reason they moved to Alaska, none of the X-Men wanted to be around them.

Anthony Oliveira: Back in their day, I think Boom-Boom and Sam would be a rough go — she’s very jealous and he’s obviously madly in love with Roberto, so it’s a recipe for everyone crying on the dance floor tbh.

Kieron Gillen: Oh man! There’s a couple who is JUST ABOUT to be introduced who would be hell to have over to dinner, but I can’t say them yet. Growls! You’ll know it when you see it.

AIPT: Let’s play multiversal matchmaker. Pair an X-Character with a character from a non-Marvel franchise. Who do you ship and why?

Jordan D. White: How about Kate Pryde and Doctor Aphra? Kate is a good person who has more recently toyed with the fringes of the dark side, joining Hellfire, becoming a pirate. Her getting into a relationship with true scoundrel Chelli Aphra would, I think, be very much in character for her… and then Aphra would do something truly wretched to her and break her heart and it would be some real gut-wrenching drama. I bet it would send Kate swinging back fully into moral mode.

Mark Basso: Logan/Wolverine… and Amanda from Highlander: The Series! Finally someone who’d been around longer than Logan!

Jordan Blum: Warlock and Bee-two from Andor. They both seem very caring… to a fault.

Alex Segura: Jean Grey and Poe Dameron. I just think there’d be some serious chemistry there. Poe has a little of Wolverine and a little Cyclops in him, and I think Jean would balance him out really well. And he’d keep her on her toes.

Kieron Gillen: Xavier with the Emperor from Warhammer 40K. They’ve got a lot in common, if you squint.

Ariana Maher: Jubilee and Tim Drake (Robin) had a meet-cute during the DC/Marvel Amalgam, so I could totally see her crashing the Bat Family party as a plus one. Tim is dating someone now, so I’d probably ship Jubilee with Stephanie Brown (Spoiler) instead — their dates would probably consist of setting up elaborate pranks in the Batcave. Always love a chaos couple.

Steve Foxe: Black Tom Cassidy and the Log Lady from Twin Peaks. I just think she’d sort him out, but in a nice, ominous, baffling way. And she’s clearly no stranger to cuddling bark.

Jason Loo: I think Fred Dukes and Rita Farr (TV’s Doom Patrol) would make a sweet, happy couple. I can see them understanding each other’s internal struggles and be mutually supportive. I bet Fred’s become a better listener since working at the Green Lagoon. He would give Rita the best hugs no matter what shape she’s in.

Charlie Jane Anders: Legion and the Doctor from Doctor Who. They both know what it’s like to be bigger on the inside, and to be many people in one, and they’d probably make each other laugh (and make out) a whole lot.

Anthony Oliveira: Iceman should date Bowser. I feel like they’d be good for each other, and Bobby would be good with all those Koopa kids.

Tini Howard: Exodus always feels like he got lost wandering in from an Anne Rice book and I’m a noted Interview With the Vampire fangirl, so uh. Yeah. Lestat I guess. Or any of them. Go get bitten by sexy vampires, Exodus, happy Valentine’s Day. 

Mm. I like this question.

Steve Orlando: Let’s say Magneto and Kira Nerys from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I think they’ve both had similar journeys, certainly they’ve seen tragedy and they’ve overcome their anger to grow and mature. But at a basic level, they’d be the couple no one would dare fuck with.

Chris Cantwell: Stryfe and Young Gru. Mister Sinister and Deputy Director Skinner from The X-Files. Tyrese from the Fast & Furious movies and Doop. Kate Pryde and a Tusken Raider. Ron Weasley and Bishop. Puck and Saavik from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. The twins from Pokémon and a Sentinel.

I will explain none of my choices as they are all painfully obvious.

Al Ewing: I’ve always wanted to see the X-Men team up with the slightly less glamorous mutants of Strontium Dog, so maybe Johnny Alpha and Jean Grey. He’s like Cyclops meets Wolverine — a repressed, moody eye guy, violent but with a code of honor, a bit telepathic, strong bi implications, on paper he’s her perfect guy.

Jean stans, back me up! Don’t you want the best for your queen?

AIPT: Finally, so many X-Characters have become sex symbols among X-Fans. But who is that one mutant who hasn’t achieved sex symbol status you think has the potential to become the hottest X-Character of them all?

Anthony Oliveira: GOLDBALLS!! Sorry, “Egg.” He’s cute, he’s nurturing, he’s conflict-averse, he’s a key member of the community, and if you get accidentally exploded he can get you cutsies in the resurrection queue! 

Tini Howard: I again want to say Exodus but he IS a sex symbol among a small and devoted coterie of us who are attracted to weird, sad, immortals. There are dozens of us, you realize! 

I’m probably supposed to say something funny here, right? Uhhh “Bill the Lobster. CRACK ME OPEN, CLAW DADDY.” How’s that? Internet loves a ‘daddy’ joke.

Alex Segura: Siryn, Moonstar, and Polaris!

Ariana Maher: Angelo Espinosa, of course. No question.

Charlie Jane Anders: Xorn. Xorn is the absolute sex lord, although I could never keep track of whether he was pretending to be Magneto or Magneto was pretending to be him. (Side note: I googled “Sexy Xorn,” and the main result was a “Sexy Corn” Halloween costume, which is a thing I can now never unsee.) Anyway, Xorn has a cool mask, and a star in his head, and he’s a man of mystery, who’s done terrible things, but has a wounded soul. I think. Anyway, I think Xorn would be really fun to have a wild drug-fueled candy-coated wonderland weekend with, after which you’d never quite know what had actually happened.

Al Ewing: Juggernaut’s never taken his pants off to my knowledge.

Steve Orlando: Slither — not enough snake love out there in the world. And he’s bendy!

Jason Loo: Mondo seems like a down-to-earth (literally and metaphorically) guy who can be adorably charming and very chill. He’s the closest thing to a sexy Man-Thing. HAHAhahaHA! Mondo is a sexy Man-Thing.

Jordan Blum: He may be going down a very dark path these days but my vote is for Beast. They’ve been drawing him more and more pear-shaped and it would be very beneficial to me if that body type caught on to sex symbol status.

Steve Foxe: We all saw shirtless Sunfire on Arakko, right? Turning that red planet red-hot! 🔥🥵🔥

Chris Cantwell: Sauron barely wears those leather shorts. WHATCHA GOT UNDER THERE, SAURON?

Kieron Gillen: Melter’s transformation into the Human Torch Nouveaux over in Sabertooth is pretty hot, right?

More seriously — are we late to Rasputin IV? She’s on the way, surely. Also fellow Sins of Sinister-ite Jon Ironfire.

Jordan D. White: OK, this question is nutty and it’s inspiring nuttiness. Do you think it’s possible to make Snot into a sex symbol? He’s already been turned into a big beefy boy… is there any amount of sexy poses that can make his extremely odd face and, more importantly, the cascading ropes of snot that he shoots look sexy? I feel like someone needs to commission David Talaski or Kris Anka or someone to draw him looking as hot as possible to see if this is feasible.

AIPT: Welp, you have a new mission, X-Fans. #MakeSnotHot.

Now, before you get too mad at Jordan for introducing the thought of “cascading ropes of snot” to your Monday, take a look at this week’s eXclusive preview images he not only selected, but turned into shareable X-Men Valentines!

Share them with that special X-Fan in your life! Or, just really confuse a loved one who doesn’t read comics. Either or!

Thank you for these, Jordan! And thanks to everyone who participated in the 2023 X-Men Monday Valentine’s Day Special! No matter how you feel about Valentine’s Day, X-Fans, I hope this brought some joy to the start of your week.

Until next time, X-Fans, stay exceptional!